STILL TIRED

This last session of chemo has made me very tired. I have been staying in bed where I feel cosy and comfortable and safe. I had quite a long talk with my chemo nurse Yvonne this time round (Keith was on his hols) I realise I must be careful about what I say about cancer and where I direct you. Firstly all our breast cancers are different really, we all react differently to treatment. This is important so that we don't build up unrealistic expectations beyond the nature of the cancer we have. This can be self defeating. Learn and discuss with your medical team. There is so much info out there, most recently in The Independent who had massive front page coverage on the subject (Friday 29th) 80% Rise in Breast Cancer since 1970's!!!! I believe my reasons are since this is a Hormonal Cancer that I have, 1) Never having children so no breast feeding 2) Fat, this is reflected in the fact I had my gaul bladder (fat related) removed last year I was over weight -result I have dramactically changed my diet, 3) Late menopause 4) Alcohol in take more than I should. Some of our experiences are good and some dreadful. Not every treatment works in each case but remember that a postive attitude is so important. We need not to apologise to the world for how we feel or look. Within safe parameters we need to get out there and show people we are not all dying but some sadly have/are and they need love and understanding. It is the big possibility, but not without a fight I can tell you.

I go to my local pub, and my dear friend 'Long John' always gives me a huge hug and says loudly "how is my sexy gorgeous girl", I say "you forgot to call my baldy!" He does wonders making me feel normal and it is a huge demonstration of his support. I hope it shows that I don't care squat about my hair. The Land Lord Kevin has my special drink ready (grapefruit and tonic water) and kisses my hand and other people come up and include me in their groups and fun. Now thats what I call friendship. I am also allowed to sit, read my paper, do my crossword and enjoy the general 'old fahionedness' of a place I love.


Love Granny XXX

THE WORLDS WORST SPELLER

According to Mick, who read my blog, this is me - the worlds worst speller. I have to agree. I can write a word, look at it and not see that it is wrong. So I apologise to all. I do check but if you can't tell that a word is wrong it does little good. When I am at work Jackie spell checks for me. I am also not brilliant a grammar so you may wonder how I got through my degree courses! well with much blood sweat and tears believe me. I love to read, I read perfectly well I even do crosswords. I think much of my problem is when I write I see in my mind what I want to say, if it sounds right it is right and down it goes generally with letters out of place. So please read around any poor spelling, yes I know my Devine is spelt with an E and not Divine with an I but I am not a divinity am I!

Love Granny.

PS feeling a little better today.

4 DOWN 2 TO GO

Well that that one done, no pain or discomfort at time of process. I do feel rotten now, very tired and sicky but hey I knew to expect it. I really could not do this without Mick, who is there beside me during the process, he also gives me lots of hugs but I know he is very worried.

Jusy a short one this time.

See you all later.
Love Granny

SO MANY BREAST CANCER BLOGS

There are so many women like myself out there blogging about Breast Cancer. Look at www.thecancerblog.com which is a great link. Found some ideas that appealed. :-Cancer Vixen and Cancer Warriors are terms I would like to apply to myself.

Then I found a poem on www.grove.ufl.edu/~johndon/blog I researched and found the full version, which I have copied below


If I had my child to raise all over again,
I’d finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I’d do more hugging and less tugging.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd teach less about the love of power ,
and more about the power of love.

by ~Diane Loomans 'Full Esteem Ahead' Published by Kramer, California. Diane is a teacher and author.

It just says it all really and I really must be less judgemental, I should stop moaning and just get on.

The poem above my home desk is '17th Century Nun's Prayer' I will let you to find for yourself as it is quite long. I will leave you with one line:-

'Release me from craving to straighten out everybody's affairs'

Please Lord.
Love Granny xx

THE DAY BEFORE 4TH CHEMO

RED ADMIRALS IN THE GARDEN!!!

I hate this day, because I know tomorrow I am going to have my chemo, today is the day Ifeel my lowest. The nice thing is that nature came to my rescue. The garden was invaded and awash with Red Admiral Butterflies, which I was surprised to see this late in the year. I am not a butterfly expert. They seemed attracted to a bush that has the early signs of berries, but i think they were attracted by the sun since they sat for ages basking with their wings open. They have been there ages and are indeed still there even as I write.

Mick knows how I feel so he is taking me out for a meal tonight, a treat before the treatment (punny) and because at least I will be able to taste it.

My heart went out to Darren Clark when he played in the Ryder Cup this weekend. Sorry America - Europe won again. But what a tournament, what matches what play. Loved it. Such sportsmanship. To see Darren cheered by his friends only six weeks after losing his wife Heather to Breast Cancer. A man not afraid to cry, is a strong man. He has to be strong for his two young sons who have lost their mummy. I am sure heather was there for him and cheering him on. God Bless them all.

I have to say, Don't blame the Dogs. I was sad to see of the death of a five month old baby apparently mauled to death by two Rottwieler's. These dogs are not vichious unless they are trained or ill treated to become so. They are big dogs with natural tendancies and a bite that can not be freed easily. They did not know she was a baby she was a noisy animal or a toy to them. They were put down and I do understand why. No one should take on these dogs unless they treat them correctly and it appears from the news that they were used as guard dogs. I wonder if the owners understand the law in relation to guard dogs? These dogs should not have been left outside on the roof terrace ever. I suspect that they became jealous of the baby who was in their space (indoors) and reacted as any animal would to an invasion of its space. A baby should not have been taken into this premises at all, responsible dog owners should not have allowed it even if it is family. Also the dogs 'Master' or pack leader were not there so they would see it as defending territory. They were trained to do this it was apparently their role as guard dogs. Ironically on that very day while Mick and I were out walking in local country side we saw two large Rottwielers out with their owner and children. They were well behave and walking calmly. What happens with the press portrayal in pictures and words of these dogs as devil dogs will cause people to view these other two dogs as the same. There is an imperative to treat dogs properly with love and appropriately by owners and strangers.

My dog Merlot (a staffordshire bull terrier cross whippet - a mouth on legs) who is loving, is very much my dog and would get jealous if I give attention to my grandchildren if I had not trained her. She has to understand her place. We seperate them, but do introduce them carefully. Merlot has a V large puppy cage, this is her space and when the children are with us she goes in there. She cannot get out. She would bounce around and I would not risk her scratching or biting the kids when she is excited. When they are older I will take the intrduction further. They are allowed to stroke her only when I have hold of her, they are told how to treat her - ie not tease her. Merlot knows she is loved.

Will write again soon, Love Granny XX

CHRISTMAS REMEMBERED

The pictures are of Ma doing what she does best. This was the christmas OAP party in 2005. Michelle was the booked singer and the landlady asked her to let Ma sing. I am sure she wondered what she was getting up on stage. Ma pulled it off as ever, so much so they did it all again. This is how I will always remember Ma.

Love granny xxx

SINGING THE BLUES
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MUM AND MICHELLE 2005
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WELL I CAN LOOK

When a woman challenges a man if he looks at a PAGE THREE girl, he will say - I'm only looking. Sadly there are very few men who can be described as eye candy out there. That is to say worth looking at in a page three sort of way. Today however the Matalan catalogue (Autumn 2006) arrived through my door with what I can only describe as a 'nice surprise' within its pages. An exception that proves the rule. They have managed to find a male model that breaks all the rules and is just too beautiful to be true.


He is a tall very dark and oh so handsome black man! He has a shaved head and the most beautiful face, a smile that ignites and wonderful hands. Looks very nice dressed!!!!! (most men look better clothed) Fabulous eyes and then I came to the page where he is wearing only Jeff Banks and Pringle knitted boxer shorts - Oh my God what a body and in perfect perportion 'pecks and 6 pack' hips to die for. For the men out there this is why boxer shorts are so much better than any other male under wear, it keeps 'it' in and leaves all to the imagination which is so much better than the reality - and oh those neat little buttons!!!!! Not so much a lunch box more a three course meal. Guys if you want to pull a woman freshly washed underware is very important as is a well looked after body. I just know he smells heavanly as well. Not too much aftershave though please. He is what James Bond should look like, smooth, swave, sophisticated and deadly.

PS Matalan are on line, he's there but the pics are not so good, but you will get the idea.

For the girls in the office I think! Well I am only looking!!!!! Love granny

UPDATE

I visited the clinic yesterday for a check up with Dr Anne Rigg. She was happy with the fact that I was delayed a week, she said they could not take the risk. I cold and chest were much better and having listened to my chest Dr Rigg said she thought it was fine to have chemo next week. So I am booked in. I may have to have anti biotics every second week of the the cycle. I am prone to chesty colds and infections and there are a few about. The anti biotics are a proactive actions to prevent problems and delays. So I am only behind a week.

I like Dr Rigg, she works very hard at Clinic, (she normally works at St Thomas's) I noted that other patients are rediculously complaining about time issues, when all of us are there for help and information and treatment. If you are delayed so be it, Dr Rigg just about had time for a gulp of tea between paitents whom she saw from 08.30 to 13.30. Each person gets the time they deserve. I sat there listening ahnd thought, be a patient patient, you will get your turn. You are making your self worse (and me) by shouting at the top of your voice how 'crap' the system is. Yes there are wrongs, but for god sake in other countries you would be lucky to get treatment without insurance! SUPPORT YOUR NHS. I told Dr Rigg, she was the expert, I always do as I am told I am in her hands, I would never presume to tell her her job. I wish others did the same.


Oh by the way, I hate the fact that people at hospitals either patient or visitors who hang around outside smoking. ITS A HOSPITAL and SMOKING KILLS.


Love Matron granny

MARKS AND SPENCER - POST SURGERY BRA

Found lerking on back pages of the web and in a local paper yesterday. Launched in August! Why was'nt it front page news?

Marks and Spencer along with Breakthrough breast Cancer have come up with a range of lingerie for women post Breast Cancer Surgery, - practical, pretty and affordable. from £12 for bra and £4 for matching briefs according to the blurb.

Designers take note, that there are enough of us out there (and sadly to come) to make this worth while. We also need fashionable clothes and head wear that meet our needs. We do not all have Kylie's funds but still want to feel and look like women. It is why I refuse to wear a head scarf. I am not a cancer 'victim' I am a woman with breast cancer the emphasis on woman.


The full range is stocked in the following stores-Argyle Street Glasgow, Bluewater Dartford, Camberley, Sandhurst, ChesterCribbs Causeway Bristol, Marble Arch London, Mary Street Dublin, Meadowhall Sheffield,Merry Hill Dudley, Metro Centre Gateshead.

Still keeping my eyes open, love Granny

NEWS JUNKIE

I have always been a news junkie, you really don't want to be with Mick and I when we discuss issues of news etc, we argue - a lot.

Recently I have been able to watch continuous news, and I have things to say on most things.

The ah factor, did you see those lovely baby (real) Panda's on Sunday and today in the Mail, I just love them. What a pity the chinese do not take such good care of human children, especially girls babies.


I again state there really has to balance in childrens lives - when it comes to food. No to '00' models who are quite ridiculous and encourage children to be far too thin IT IS NOT HEALTHY.

Just what are celebrity parents thinking of dressing their children up as mini mee's? I dread to think how many paedohiles will use the kind of photos recently seen to justify their often used excuse that 'children are sexual beings'. It will open the door to abuse. Actually many of these children are already lost because their parents are lost in the land of celebrity which is 'make believe'. These kids are just playing dressing up games (notice it's nearly always just the girls) Many of their parents are not rounded people many are still playing dressing up themselves. Many of the kids will end up like their parents either burnt out at an early age or still going into their pension years ever addicted to celebrity. Many will end up being extensions of their parents lives, who are not considered celebrity any more, as beens. For many it is the only way they can hold their parents attention. We are even now into third generation 'celebrity offspring' with kids trying to ape, grandparent and parent celebrities.


Equally some parents seem to think that excess junk food is Fine. It is fine as a treat, not every day. Obesity kills and the worse is yet to come, we don not yet know the full effects of childhood obesity in this generation of kids. Excercise and good food make for an active mind. Develops discipline and good foundations for adult hood. We don't know the effect because the children of previous generations did not have access to computer games and fast food. Those children had different issues. I like the Italian idea of SLOW FOOD as an antidote to the FAST FOOD CULTURE. the other thing I know about continental meals is that they are family meals, eaten over longer period. Not gulped down - nor washed down with sodas. I am with Jamie Oliver in this. He did a great programme about Italian food recently and eye opener. I grew up eating lots of Italian food because my Pa worked for an Italian company, there was always fruit. I was always welcomed to eat with the adults and enjoyed long meals with such people from whom I learnt such a lot. It is not only schools who teach - I learnt language, manners, history, geography, science (I spent a lot of time in ships enginerooms) I learnt how to mix with a wide variety of people, I learnt to hold my own. Perhaps that is why I have never been out of work.


I am definately against the silly mothers who are undermining the school head/policy on school meals by selling precooked, preordered food through the fence. Just who are the other parents going to sue when the kids go down with ecoli, salmonella or other food based infection. If these mothers are in a position to do this, they are in a position to take their children home for meals, or could it be that the walk might hurt the kids, or are the mums to lazy to actually cook themselves. I feel the same about these mothers as I do those who insist on driving their kids to school (often just round the corner) they are incompetent parents. We are in danger of breeding children with no legs. Yes I drive, but I learnt to walk developing leg muscle and did walk to school, I learnt road sense and I learnt about dangers at an early age. If Mum can't do it them Dad can - if not then stay at school, have a proper dinner, do some study.

As an Historian I am aware that this situation is not new, there have always been issues like this about children and parenting since the Victorians developed the concept of childhood. I don't go down the route, of all mothers should be at home blah blah. Again it is balance and common sense that need to be applied.


The grumpy granny.

OH BOTHER!!!!!!

It was once said by a colleague that hearing me swear was like hearing your grandmother swear!!! I have to say I was rather colourful in my language yesterday. It was a bad day, I have had such a bad cold that the antibiotics I have been taking have not worked. Yesterday I nearly ended up being kept in hospital after xrays and blood tests (I am running out of veins). However worse news was that because I was so ill they could not do Chemo today, it has been postponed a week. I was given stronger antibiotics which seem to be working (they are seriously heavy duty). I am to see the oncologist tomorrow to look at the issue. I hope that this will be ok, I cannot afford to have a big gap in chemo and they may have to take me in to build me up.....I am hoping not.


On the bright side, and there is always a bright side I took delivery of my new car, a lovely Red Fiat Panda. This has five doors, it makes life easier for the grand kids and elderly rickety parents!

I know you are saying what does she need a car for now, well I do this every three year thing so I have three years of worry free motoring in terms of service, mot, tax etc etc. Also it is about my freedom. I have to have a car, to move about especially in terms of keeping my self infection free. It means I can get out quickly and back if Mick is not here and I am not as tired as if I were walking and carrying heavy shopping. I can also get myself to the hospital for checkups etc. Buses and trains are not good places for me at the moment, with people sniffing and coughing. Actually it may be how I got my cold when I had to go to Limehouse (work) and deliver some urgent forms - I went on the train.


There expense justified. Now for the environmental, better petrol consumption, lower tax and Lower emissions. New cars are much better than old in this respect.

BY WAY OF EXPLANATION

You will note the recent 'Ma' picks. The pose is similar to the one in the older picture with my Pa. Ma loves to bling it up as you can see, but I brought her the jacket! She is singing the old Music Hall Songs for a East End Sing a long at the old folks Christmas Party. Roll out that barrel, down Lambeth way, any evening anyday when my old man said follow that van!!!


Love Granny.

SINGING FOR HER SUPPER
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THE OLD GIRL STILL SHOWS A LEG
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A LONG OVEDUE TRIBUTE

It is long over due, because everything I am is down to these guy's - my Ma and Pa. As you can see I have posted three pictures that sum them up to perfection. Dad 'Fingers' was the man with the music and Ma 'The Voice' was exactly that and you cannot keep a good performer down. She still sings and has a fan base at my local pub. if you want to know the words to a song then Ma's your girl. Sadly Andrew Lloyd Webber didn't ask her to be Maria, but she would make a great mother superior, oh matron (she is also known as Matron). Since I left home at 19 I have rarely missed a day when I have not phoned her. She gives her diagnosis on my current condition, but really she is itching to get up here and nurse me. She is also her local area's very own Pauline Fowler, the Laundrette Lady.

Anyway I loved them both.
Granny xx

MUM AND PA AND YOU WONDER ABOUT ME?
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DAD DOES HIS THING
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MUM AND THE BOYS
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MY LONDON TRIBE.

Following on from the Kylie thing the 'Style' mag took up the ideas of the 'London Tribes, Leading the Pack' How did I fit in? Being born to an East End Lass, in Essex and working on the Isle of Dogs do I fit the 'The Intellectuals' - I'd like to think so, but not totally. Am I 'Indie' - only the jeans bit, am I 'Hedonist', well only the 'Champagne' bit. I am definately not an 'Exhibitionist' contrary to popular belief! Nor am I 'New Wave' or a 'Dubsteppers' so it looks like I am in a tribe of my own the 'Independant Intellectual wanna be tribe' I have always been outside the tribe.

As Mick so rightly points out, all the problems in the world are down to 'tribalism' such as my gangs bigger than your gang, the silly play ground na na na na taunts to a fight over this very issue. Or my religion is better than yours etc etc. Out of which grow the bullies of this world.

Love Granny

KYLIE AND BREAST CANCER

Not quite my last word on Sunday as you can see. How does the girl do it? She made the cover of the The Sunday Times 'style' magazine and the Mail on Sunday 'You' magazine and she is completely different in both. More importantly she is showing off her upper body in revealing under wear, arms up and no scars. She must have had a terrific physio since she has both her arms up in most pictures. I speak from experience about this, since getting your arm on the side operated on up and running at full stretch is very important. I have to stretch and exercise every day to keep my mobility. Also the scar takes ages to soften over the damaged soft tissue.

She looks a little thin, but hey she's not that big anyway. I was not wild about the gold and black diamond out fit but the other stuff in the 'Style' mag was interesting and diverse.

However I was overjoyed abouth the 'You' set with the Showgirl look. Hey no scars here either. But best of all she has Shebba, her 'fella' Olivier's Rhodesian Ridgeback. Of whom she says " Sheeba and I are devoted to each other. She was very important during my treatment - there were many long hugs on the sofa during that time". This I understand one it reminds me of Bacchus my Rhodesian Ridgeback who died in 2000 to whom I was devoted. I also understand because Merlot and I do the sofa thing all the time she and I are joined at the hip. Now this is the point, the love of family and friends is vital, but the love of a dog, which is unconditional and unquestionning does not demand an answer when you have non to give and you are tired. Merlot just lies with me as close as she can, lets me stroke her and in the quiet answers all my needs. Merlot is also a small version of Bacchus which is why I loved her instantly the moment I saw her. She combines both his personality and that of my sweet Cindy the Westie, who died two years ago. Not only does Merlot offer comfort, she provides excercise because walking is important even if you feel tired when you have Breast Cancer, she provides the motivation. Ridgebacks it must be said are 'One family dogs' historically they will fight to the death to protect their owners. One Woof from Bacchus was enough to send any would be burglar running when he meant it he really meant it. Merlot has a language all her own!


HAIR

On another note I love Kylies hair, very chic. Mine to my surprise has not yet started to fall out this cycle. I was sure it would all be gone by now but No, it is hanging on in there and even I do believe staging a fight back. I must admit poor Phil got a shock when he saw me yesterday, it was in his face, bless him. I really wish tha my hair would grow back curly and blond like Kylie's.

Kylie, please throw a few designer clothes my way!!!!!!!!!!!


She is very lucky to have such a devoted boyfriend, and I am lucky to have Mick.

Love Granny.

WHY I LOVE SUNDAYS

Sunday has always been my favourite day of the week. I do me stuff, but this Sunday ws even better - My cuddly teddy bear (youngest stepson) Phil and his girlfriend Vicki came to see me. Vicki had made really super Strawberry sponge cake (with real strasberries) which so delicious. What a nice thing to do! Phil was his smiley self and their company was as always a joy. They really are the perfect couple, so in tune and obviously in love. Jon was there to (he is middle stepson) and later Laura his girlfriend came too.

Poor Laura is getting over the tragic death of her mother last week, following an short intense battle with non hodgkinson lymphoma. She is coping and all of us hope she doesn't try to hard to be strong at the funeral this week. It is ok to cry she will really need that release. Both she and her father were with mum at the end which was important. I never had the chance to meet Laura's mum because either she or I was in hospital. I told Laura that I believe strongly that her mum was now at peace and not in any more pain and that she should take some comfort from that.

Because we were altogether in the garden on a sunny Sunday I hope that Laura took some comfort from that. Laura had also been very kind to me early on in my chemo when she made a really lovely cheese cake, she also cooked a lasagne when she thought I might not feel like cooking. These gestures by both girls means more to me than anything, they both have kind and generous hearts, and put something of themselves into each dish.

What better finish to a perfect day could I have had - As Time Goes By, Last of the Summer Wine, Songs of Praise and Antiques Road Show on the Telly. The last three porgammes of the Road Show have looked back at past progs and the discoveries but this time with a look at what happened after. this week was stunning with a wonderful cigarette case by Bucheron of Paris and a stunning portrait from the 1920's of Jessie Clover and the story of her life after the painting when she was 14. That is the beauty of history, each artifact has a story to tell, which for me is beyond price.

My last word on the story of Sunday, TO THINE BE THE GLORY, risen, conquering son, endless is the victory thou o'er death hast won.

Love Granny

WHERE I TEACH.
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LONG OVER DUE MEMORIAL TO WOMEN IN WHITEHALL
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MICK AND HELEN IN CUBA - AH
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INFECTION WATCH!

My cold has remined my priority this weekend. Feeling pretty Naff. Still the precautionary antibiotics are holding chest infection at bay. Very important for newly diagnosed women, remember you immunity goes way down. Keep yourself infection free.

Saw Kylie strutting her stuff in London last night, bravo girl.

Love to all Granny. xx

THE BABY HOUSE

In 2000 I read an article in The Sunday Times (23/04/2000), it was about abandoned babies in Russia and one in particular called Kolya, who I fell in love with. He was 9 months old and having been born two and half months premature he was considered unadoptable because of his lack of development. He lived in Cot number 9. His picture broke my heart, he was lying on his front with his head up and looking directly at the camera, and directly into my heart.

Foreigners were not being allowed to adopt him, as a matter of government policy. I have kept that picture to remind myself that every child is worth something. Today I looked up the name of the home on the internet, people are now working there - look it up on 'Maria's Babies Our Baby House Project' and read for yourself about the life these babies lead! Life? now that is a contradiction in terms when it comes to these children. They live a regimented and loveless existence. The staff don't like the children crying following the visits by this group. Kolya cost 50p a day to keep????

I am torn, between understanding that each country in the world has this problem, children in the UK languish in orphanages without individual care and love - torn because I would love to help, I would love a child and that is unrealistic. I was, I believe, never meant to have a child of my own and it would be too idealistic to imagine that I could sweep in and save 1 child. Playing lady bountiful would be a huge ego trip. Still I just cannot help wondering if Kolya would have responded to me.

I am never quite sure if the items donated like clothes and nappies or money actually are received by these children.

Take a look at the list of children's homes in Russia, the sheer scale is beyond belief, of course a lot is to do with illigitimacey, illness such as HIV and or as Yulia had syphilis caught from her mother. There is also the poverty, drugs and alcohol abuse. It is easier to dump a child than to try. It all comes down to economics, yet without help these children will become a problem since they are not socialised, not educated and do not understand love.

When I think about this world wide problem, I get angry that some people want to design their own babies or fight tooth and nail to have a baby of their own just because they think it is their right when there are children out there desperate for parental love, who lie in numbered cots, for hour upon hour who are never picked up or cuddled.


At the end of the day like others I did nothing, and I should have done something.


With love to the worlds unwanted children. Granny

THE BIG DEAL HUNTER

I have been reviewing the situation (a cue for a song!!!) in fashion terms that is.

Delighted that super wiafs are not treading the cat walk in Madrid. Not a good image for young girls to adopt. It is a question of balance, to be too big can put pressure on the heart and joints. Too slim and your body forgets who it is, lose periods and other body functions. I am not a Kate Moss fan, she is so stupid, money and success does not happiness make even if it can appear to buy justice. Drugs are a no no and such a bad role model for the young who think it's cool.

I love the black pencil skirt from H and M at £14.99 not a bad deal.

In Happy this month was a two page feature on the Buys for Breast Cancer Awareness Month I myself have the new ribbon brooche and a key ring. What I love best in the feature is the Wellies from ASDA £12 with 15% to BC pink with ribblons - brill.

I also like the bath ducks in pink at £4.99

Who's Look? well I am a Sophie Ellis-Bexter fan ( the face of Monsoon)but I also like Dita Von Teese. She is a Burlesque artist and looks just fab in her 1940's make up - just wish I could do the eyeliner. I like refined elegance with minimal chic and monochrome look. The shirt dress is cool however you are wearing it.

I still have my black shirt dress, which this year I will wear with leggings and flat shoes/pumps

Watch out for peep toe shoes - I love them but can, if not fitted properly, hurt the big toe - big time.


A recent visit to Next ( I rarely go there - too expensive) pleasantly surprised, some really good skirt and jacket combo's (could be suits) not to expensive. Accessorised correctly will make the perfect business impression. Good first impressions seal the deal.

The skirt for me was a brown tone tarten, long length (ankle) pencilish, with a tuck up at the top a la Vivienne Westwood or Marc Jacobs. This was stunning, and very fine fabric, so not bulky. Also has a belt. Mix with great blouses and a brown jacket - varied for different occasions.


Noticed in Peacocks today that shirt I have mentioned before with the wrap/tie front mid sleeve with cuff and in black and red - now in a soft brown, a great green with self green stripe and a purple version as well. All four with a matching/toning thin sleeveless t shirt would be my staple for work. The store has some really great shirts. I also like the v neck shirt that has a kind of empire line and no buttons (a pull on) in white, oat, black, red equally useful for work, no need to worry about buttons popping open. Boobs on display is not a good business look and leads to stereotyping, sexy yes it's ok but not tarty. A good fitting pretty bra makes all the difference, even for me who hates bras. When I am putting on a presentation or teaching I am careful about my look with special consideration to my audience and the impression I want to make. I am most definately not one of the boys. I always want to make sure that every one knows I am a woman, but I am professional.


One of my key tips is that beach wear does not fit the urban scene - dead Naff with capital N.

AUTUMN 2006
Been here before! I keep a style book of my own where I keep ideas and clippings that I like, have done this for years. Included with my collection was the Daily Mail Lifestyle Magazine for Autumn 2005 and nothing seems really to have changed. The shoes are wedges and platforms, the Military coat, the denim, the heavy knits, ankle boots and big bags and clutches etc etc. Fashion editors should remeber people like me keep records.

My big find was on one of my trips to the charity shop. Found a hand knitted long line navy jacket (very heavy cable) with the new cross over and shoulder button design that is in many of the style books. the price £3.95 brand new. Perfect for over jeans with that layered look that is so big this year (always A FAV of mine - layers are fab) will look fab with white shirt and blue platforms. I am a fan of wraps to change the emphasis of an outfit.

Don't over look Bon Marche (not trendy I know) - the one in Dartford has had a face lift and a change of stock. Still aimed at the over 50 market and with the staples. However they have up graded and was pleased to see some really trend led designs. Nice for the older woman who need that special cut and fitting but likes style as well. Shops really need to understand the changing older market, people like me who love fashion but who are over 50. Designers need to remember size and cut for the older figure.

Check out Matalan for home furnishings at affordable prices, love their bucket chairs. They are bringing out a tarten dress which I will look at.

My leopard print shoes are coming back out of the closet, so nice I am still in fashion!

I have created a great party look in blue, but will keep it under wraps for now, I want to make an entrance at Christmas!!!!!! to go with my bald look.

love Granny. XX

MARIANNE FAITHFULL

I am so sorry to hear Marianne has been diagnosed with early stage Breast Cancer. I love her music and she is one of my style icons. I wish her lots of love. Granny

IT'S A LONG JOURNEY

Went to the hospital today to see my oncologist. I was told my Radio Therapy will be monday to friday for 5 weeks, followed by one week of a super dose. By which time I will be glowing in the dark (joke). All targetting my scar and my upper shoulder.

This will take place 3 weeks after my last chemo on 1st November 2006. I hope to be back at work part time at that stage.

I will have three little permanant tatoos to mark the location of the treatment. I shall have a super duper scan that will look at every detail of that part of my body.

My bloods were OK, but I do have a bit of a cold so it's back on the antibiotics. Any chest infection (which I am prone to) could see me in hospital and I don't want that. The staff at Queen Marys Sidcup are really very nice. I really can not speak more highly of the NHS.


Love Granny.

DMITRI HVOROSTOVSKY

Saturday was the last night of the proms, and I loved it, especially as Maureen Lipman put it so succinctly. Dmitri Hvorostovsky was 'Drop Dead Gorgeous'. Who the hell needs Brad Bitt et al when this guy looks the part and can sing. He would make a believable hero or villan, he has a wicked twinkle. I was not so ill that he did not rock my socks.

Another opera singer who I rate is Jose Cura, another gezzer with looks to boot. Love Granny.

PS I am an Alan Rickman fan as well.

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A TREE

Last night we had a very heavy storm, thunder - the whole 5 yards- the rain was particularly heavy. This morning when I looked at my pine/fir tree the cones that had been there had all gone. There was a spectacular amount of 'fluttering' of tiny wings in the branches, closer examination revealed dozens of blue tits, I can only assume that a lot of insects had come to the surface of branches. In addition my neighbour had put out a fresh peanut holder full on his tree and sure enough there were these charming little birds rushing between feeder and branch. Quite lovely. Granny

MOONLIGHT SERANADE

Hit that Glen Miller track (well I told you I was old, and I love his music)

Just a quicky.

For the last two nights I have fallen asleep in the light from a full moon shining into my bedroom window. And what a light, so clear to clean so sharp so soft. The perfect shape of a moon is forever changing, I have seen huge moons in bright orange, I have laid on beaches in Greece and watched the moon and stars I am never failed to be inspired by 'Her' glory.

I hope that the families of the victims of 9/11 Twin Towers are able to rest on this 5th anniversary in the light of a moon where ever they may be. My hero is Jay Janus captain of Rig 6 who was trapped in the towers and saved by being in stair well 'B' because he and his crew stopped to help Josephine Miller. To survive this attack, is beyond words. Perhaps the perfect Glen Miller piece for him is 'American Patrol' an all time favourite of mine.

I send my love to the lost, their families and the surviors. Granny

GONE A ROMIN

Got you thinking, what is the girl on about? Well aromatherapy, thats what. I had my first session yesterday at the Macmillan Centre in Queen Marys Sidcup. Now let me tell you that have a wonderful garden to sit in, with shade and trees and flowers. I noticed a climbing flower with a huge bell shape in the prettiest shade of light blue, so delicate and it just lit up my day. it is a wonderful place to sit and read which I did prior to my treatment. Susie was the therapist and very nice. The experience was amazing, my mixture was bergermont and lavender (my favourite - I use these at home) and the hand massage was so relaxing but the effect afterwards was one of rejuvenated joints etc. The two arms were however complete different in feel. My right was - relaxing my left was warm bordering on hot and freed my arm up perfectly. I had intended for the experience to allow me to forget for a hour that I had breast cancer and to concentrate on me rather than 'it' if you see what I mean. The process was accomapnied by soft musical, sea and sea bird sounds.Again I love this, I am a sucker for the sea, which I why I can not wait to get back to Ventnor to walk along the front and hear the sea.

Was it worth it, oh yes.

PS those dragon flies have been back - it is like watching Spitfire aces catching the late evening flies who dare to be about.

SUPPORT PENNY DEACON

My mother lives in the Southampton area and read in the Daily Echo about Penny Deacon. She like me is a police officer. She had her operation in July to remove her breast cancer lump. On the 16th September 2006 she in company with 15 colleagues is going to undertake a 60 mile challenge (by cycle) to raise money for the Chemo unit at St Anne's Hosptial Newport. Anyone who knows me knows that the Isle of Wight is my dream home/place to visit (Ventnor) so please try and help my colleague reach her target. This can be done by visiting www.justgiving.com/pennydeacon There are a number of entries on the web, ie interviews with Penny etc.

I am so not a bike rider, I would like to get a fashion show - all full on glamour, in aid of Breast Cancer research - with me modeling of course and any other 'surviour' who wants to hit the catwalk. Lots of Bling, lots of confidence, lots of power and perhaps even a record in the charts!!!!!!


I note that Penny's Chief Superintendent is female, and I will be asking her has I will other senior women across the country to join me in making sure that the women employed in the police family are made fully aware of the issues and debates and need to check ourselves. As a member of the Commissioner's Women's Focus group I do have access to key officials and coleagues. This could be such a postive thing, because if you think about in terms of research there is no better fixed cross section of women anywhere. As an Historian of women in the service, I have an idea from looking at Metropolitan Police Women Service records how many women across the years have been diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Of course it is not just women who get Breast Cancer men can to. What a great opportunity to increase the knowledge of the disease lets have health pages with links across the Constabulary web pages.

SUPPORT PENNY PLEASE. THANK YOU. Love Granny

A FASHION THING

The October Glamour Mag is out with a very good article on Breast Cancer victims who are under 50 - get reading.

Fashion is very much my thing as you know. Well this seasons Leggings with dresses or jumpers is devine. Thick tights, mentioned by me before, but essential. Comfortable elegent and warm, with a hint of sex underneath. Yes.

Granny loves yer.

MICK THE FARMER

It's Wednesday and a week since the last chemo, I feel much better today.

Mick started his new job yesterday at the organic farm shop. His family were Sussex farmers and had pigs. Some of the property is still in the family. He wants to get back to his roots, and away from the dry drone of his thrity plus year career. It is a challenge, he said that working a till his harder than it looks, but he has lots of ladies to help him, he will be in his element. Better is the challenge to the mind and body, being outside and close to the growing of things rather than the 'shop' culture that we have. We will benefit as well from getting nice fresh meat and veg. He will be able to cycle to work so he could also get really fit.


Today, and I am really trying not to make this a - diary blog, I visted Erith Deep Water Wharf, wlaking out along the really nice pier, with plenty of space, seats and it was clean. There were people sitting, eating, fishing and walking. Mums with their children and people having lunch away from their desk. Why can't Erith shake off it's end of the road feel? The sun was lovely and the water interesting in it's subtle changes of current and ripples caused by the wind. It is rather more industrial in aspect that perhaps the classic upper Thames, however this is the place to watch the life on the river move up and down.. I wonder why no one has thought of building a Yacht Marina here, to bring new people here. It could open the water front to cafes and shops.

There is a lot of new housing here, I particularly like one of the retirement developments, for me it would be an ideal spot with my balcony over the river and sitting in the evening with a glass of chilled Pinot Grigo watching the water and sea birds. I know that the borough is trying to rejenerate the area, but they lack purpose and direction, you need housing - of course, but also a river front area that is attractive with things to do. I have noted that the Running Horses, the Cross Keys and the White Hart very close to this area have made an effort to smarten up. What is needed is good food, good wine and good music. The White Hart has been very very clever and had a wonderful Thames Barge mural painted on its wall, I like this - perhaps they could make more of their lovely garden area down to the river. The older population that lives quite close could be a good customer source if they got away from the spit and sawdust type drinkers, the rowdy noisy and boring drinkers who inhabit Erith. The borough wants to bin the Running Horses, that used to have a carvery.

The areas biggest mistake was it's redevelopment of the shopping area, it went for two story concrete, please please why did you not look at the lay of the area, make it like it was in decades past with small shops. We have a Matalan, a Peacocks and one Select shop there is also a Wilkinsons, a Woolworths and a betting shop/ No imagination. Mostly what you see is dreary security guards who keep out the yob element. Yes perhaps employment is important but on the face of it these shops find it hard to hier staff. The Morrison's restaruant, does a roaring trade, most days breakfast and lunch. People come here for Sunday Lunch - you know a proper roast! Now if people are entised there to eat then why not to other proper food venues. Please no more Macdonalds or Burger King ( we have them as well) That is all there is in the evening. The borough even kicked out the market, which I liked to shop in. So why not a Farmers Market on Sundays?

Erith might seem like the end of the world but it has has railway station, which means people other than car drivers or locals could get here if there was something more than Morrisons. For god sake you built a huge road here, now do something with the town.There is a museum that is so much in need of reinvention that it is practically criminal to leave it. There is a lot of history in this area - what we need here is a historical mastermind. We even have a theater, yes a real live place for plays, THE ERITH PLAYHOUSE (it has a web site which mentions the lack of restaurants) £6 a ticket!!!!!!!. Surely this means something more than bland benality and medocre ideas could flourish here. VITALITY AND LIFE come on ERITH.

We need some dynamism with a heart here not stuffy political quick fixes.


Love Granny

STILL FEELING TIRED

Yes, I must report that I remain a little off kilter, more than a little tired and slow. I wish I could whizz about like normal. I hope to try and make an excersion tomorrow but we will see.

I have become a daytime TV viewer, well mostly cable not regular TV. This really annoys Mick, since I like all the 'tec' and 'cop' shows. I have been reading some good books, mostly about history, and it really makes me wonder why 'historians' are so ghettoised behind their theories.

Some sad news about Steve Irwin, death by Stingray sounds like a plot and not reality! still Aussie land is very shocked and so are his family and fans.

My heart goes out to the RAF families in Kinloss, so many good and professional men, lost to their families and friends. I pray for them all. Also I pray for the soldier and marine, what is this silly world coming to. DRUGS, RELIGION AND POWER (THREE THINGS, SAME DEAL) The three kings of destruction absolutely linked by money.


Anyway love and peace, granny.

IN SUPPORT OF MOLLY CAMPBELL.

This young lady was feared abducted by her father and taken to Parkistan. This appears not to be the case. I feel sorry for the mother, who seems very disturbed. I do not think it was wise to follow the route she took in moving her daughter to such a remote place where she would clearly feel isolated. There is clearly much that has happened between Mother and Father but they have several children and this must be their first priority not their own animosity. The older children where in a position to make a choice. But what choice did the father give the mother was she made to conform against her will which has led to this situation.

Molly does not appear to have been happy, or at least she was trying to be for her mother sake. This is not her responsibility, her mother must not draw her daughter into her own depression. You know that I do not agree with the way women are treated in relation to forced marriages at any age, but perhaps this is not going to happen in this case. I do feel Molly should be listened to and that both Mum and Dad should make this possible so Molly can have a relationship with her all members of her family. But she is not and I repeat not their property. No pressure should be brought to bear on her, she must be handled with care and love. The one thing I have concern for is that being forced to live in one place or another against her will could lead to a lifetime of distress even if her parents think one or the other cultural background is at fault. No one should impose their will on a child.

Molly has to be bridge between two cultures, a thing that an increasing number of children are required to do, not easy when you love both your parents. Divorce and seperation are bad enough for any child but this bridge is one often too hard to cross.


Love to Molly, form Granny

CRASHING INTO A WALL

When I was seriously depressed in the past, I have tried to describe the feeling to people. I tell them it is much like crashing into a wall, you hit it hard, you can not get over, around or under it (so no limboing) You come to a dead stop nothing about you works, not your head nor you heart. I was lucky that I knew how to access help, I knew where to go sadly many others don't. It is a struggle to come to terms with what causes your depression and a realisation that some of it is down to you yourself - not an easy admission. Some is down to others and their behaviour and some to environmental or outside situations. This may be how your employers deal with you for example. One of my biggest helps as if you had not guessed is writing down they way I feel about things. Some was even written as poetry, read or painted but a great deal was done by talking to my counsellor who was brilliant. You can defeat the wall by picking at the mortar that holds the bricks together, dislodge the first brick and the way beomes clearer, until you can climb through. Tiny steps one day at a time, focus and breath.

OK so I have hit a bit of a mid-chemo wall this time round, mostly huge fatigue which is one of the key side effects, so no real surprise, but I do feel brighter today.

It is those little moments that matter, like yesterday while standing in the patio door, along came the biggest Dragonfly I had ever seen, with a much smaller mate. They flew around for a long time almost flying at me and into the house. Mick told me to be careful since it the Dragonfly got stressed by being inside it would die immediately. So I carefully closed the door, and just watched this amasing thing flying around the patio, it was a beautiful blue, and it flew so fast yet its wings seemed hardly to move dispite which I did get some idea of how they operate. It was drawn to my neigbours pond and more than a few have been similarly attracted.

Another great moment last week was when I saw 'Our' Woodpecker in the big fir tree, Walking!!! underneath the branch and then climbing up the trunk. This is according to the book, what they do so. This is not a big bird compared to the Woodpigeon and Magpies that share the tree but it's claws and beak are rather large and very strong. What we miss when we don't stop to look is the reason many of us take the wrong road.

See it is the small things that matter.

Love Granny