Yes, I must report that I remain a little off kilter, more than a little tired and slow. I wish I could whizz about like normal. I hope to try and make an excersion tomorrow but we will see.
I have become a daytime TV viewer, well mostly cable not regular TV. This really annoys Mick, since I like all the 'tec' and 'cop' shows. I have been reading some good books, mostly about history, and it really makes me wonder why 'historians' are so ghettoised behind their theories.
Some sad news about Steve Irwin, death by Stingray sounds like a plot and not reality! still Aussie land is very shocked and so are his family and fans.
My heart goes out to the RAF families in Kinloss, so many good and professional men, lost to their families and friends. I pray for them all. Also I pray for the soldier and marine, what is this silly world coming to. DRUGS, RELIGION AND POWER (THREE THINGS, SAME DEAL) The three kings of destruction absolutely linked by money.
Anyway love and peace, granny.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Saturday, September 02, 2006
IN SUPPORT OF MOLLY CAMPBELL.
This young lady was feared abducted by her father and taken to Parkistan. This appears not to be the case. I feel sorry for the mother, who seems very disturbed. I do not think it was wise to follow the route she took in moving her daughter to such a remote place where she would clearly feel isolated. There is clearly much that has happened between Mother and Father but they have several children and this must be their first priority not their own animosity. The older children where in a position to make a choice. But what choice did the father give the mother was she made to conform against her will which has led to this situation.
Molly does not appear to have been happy, or at least she was trying to be for her mother sake. This is not her responsibility, her mother must not draw her daughter into her own depression. You know that I do not agree with the way women are treated in relation to forced marriages at any age, but perhaps this is not going to happen in this case. I do feel Molly should be listened to and that both Mum and Dad should make this possible so Molly can have a relationship with her all members of her family. But she is not and I repeat not their property. No pressure should be brought to bear on her, she must be handled with care and love. The one thing I have concern for is that being forced to live in one place or another against her will could lead to a lifetime of distress even if her parents think one or the other cultural background is at fault. No one should impose their will on a child.
Molly has to be bridge between two cultures, a thing that an increasing number of children are required to do, not easy when you love both your parents. Divorce and seperation are bad enough for any child but this bridge is one often too hard to cross.
Love to Molly, form Granny
Molly does not appear to have been happy, or at least she was trying to be for her mother sake. This is not her responsibility, her mother must not draw her daughter into her own depression. You know that I do not agree with the way women are treated in relation to forced marriages at any age, but perhaps this is not going to happen in this case. I do feel Molly should be listened to and that both Mum and Dad should make this possible so Molly can have a relationship with her all members of her family. But she is not and I repeat not their property. No pressure should be brought to bear on her, she must be handled with care and love. The one thing I have concern for is that being forced to live in one place or another against her will could lead to a lifetime of distress even if her parents think one or the other cultural background is at fault. No one should impose their will on a child.
Molly has to be bridge between two cultures, a thing that an increasing number of children are required to do, not easy when you love both your parents. Divorce and seperation are bad enough for any child but this bridge is one often too hard to cross.
Love to Molly, form Granny
CRASHING INTO A WALL
When I was seriously depressed in the past, I have tried to describe the feeling to people. I tell them it is much like crashing into a wall, you hit it hard, you can not get over, around or under it (so no limboing) You come to a dead stop nothing about you works, not your head nor you heart. I was lucky that I knew how to access help, I knew where to go sadly many others don't. It is a struggle to come to terms with what causes your depression and a realisation that some of it is down to you yourself - not an easy admission. Some is down to others and their behaviour and some to environmental or outside situations. This may be how your employers deal with you for example. One of my biggest helps as if you had not guessed is writing down they way I feel about things. Some was even written as poetry, read or painted but a great deal was done by talking to my counsellor who was brilliant. You can defeat the wall by picking at the mortar that holds the bricks together, dislodge the first brick and the way beomes clearer, until you can climb through. Tiny steps one day at a time, focus and breath.
OK so I have hit a bit of a mid-chemo wall this time round, mostly huge fatigue which is one of the key side effects, so no real surprise, but I do feel brighter today.
It is those little moments that matter, like yesterday while standing in the patio door, along came the biggest Dragonfly I had ever seen, with a much smaller mate. They flew around for a long time almost flying at me and into the house. Mick told me to be careful since it the Dragonfly got stressed by being inside it would die immediately. So I carefully closed the door, and just watched this amasing thing flying around the patio, it was a beautiful blue, and it flew so fast yet its wings seemed hardly to move dispite which I did get some idea of how they operate. It was drawn to my neigbours pond and more than a few have been similarly attracted.
Another great moment last week was when I saw 'Our' Woodpecker in the big fir tree, Walking!!! underneath the branch and then climbing up the trunk. This is according to the book, what they do so. This is not a big bird compared to the Woodpigeon and Magpies that share the tree but it's claws and beak are rather large and very strong. What we miss when we don't stop to look is the reason many of us take the wrong road.
See it is the small things that matter.
Love Granny
OK so I have hit a bit of a mid-chemo wall this time round, mostly huge fatigue which is one of the key side effects, so no real surprise, but I do feel brighter today.
It is those little moments that matter, like yesterday while standing in the patio door, along came the biggest Dragonfly I had ever seen, with a much smaller mate. They flew around for a long time almost flying at me and into the house. Mick told me to be careful since it the Dragonfly got stressed by being inside it would die immediately. So I carefully closed the door, and just watched this amasing thing flying around the patio, it was a beautiful blue, and it flew so fast yet its wings seemed hardly to move dispite which I did get some idea of how they operate. It was drawn to my neigbours pond and more than a few have been similarly attracted.
Another great moment last week was when I saw 'Our' Woodpecker in the big fir tree, Walking!!! underneath the branch and then climbing up the trunk. This is according to the book, what they do so. This is not a big bird compared to the Woodpigeon and Magpies that share the tree but it's claws and beak are rather large and very strong. What we miss when we don't stop to look is the reason many of us take the wrong road.
See it is the small things that matter.
Love Granny
Thursday, August 31, 2006
DAY AFTER CHEMO.
Yesterday after the chemo, late afternoon I was not feeling so well. I was really very tired, cold and miserable. I am worried about the effect the steroids will have on my body in terms of weight gain especially around my middle. Not to bad night sleep, so feel somewhat better today. It is only 11.30am.
Love Granny
Love Granny
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
SPEAKING OF FASHION?
The key fashion item of this season appears to be the white shirt, but hey it never went away really. Nothing beats the clean white shirt for effect, there are some super ones on the high street. Selection is important crisp and neat or frilly and linen. Looks great with jeans, but must be clean, red wine stains are a NO.
According to You magazine in the Mail on Sunday 27/08/2006 Wallis has been reborn, a great shop that I have always liked so if even better I shall make a special trip to see if it lives up to the hype. Still this shop can be on the expensive side.
Yesterday I popped into Sidcup for my pre chemo blood test and stopped in at Woolworths, well really this takes the biscuit. The lady in front of me was being served (half heartedly) by one member of staff while a rather younger member regailed us all (by accident) about her torrid dream, its odd references to hating her mother, her father drowning, her feeling of low self esteem Blah Blah Blah, not sure she had been drugged or was drunk, she did not stop for breath. Her colleague moved on to me and served me in the same half hearted fashion while listening to this drivel and offering worlds of wisdom to this - wreck. She barely batted an eyelid in referrence to me. Is this true multi tasking? shop assistant and councellor all in one deal, cheap sessions at the counter!!!!! Actually this is not what I call customer service. One member of staff who appeared less that capable of managing her life distracting a second member of staff. The cruncher was when said patient said "I really don't think I am being listened to" oh really, I beg to differ.
It may seem that I have been a little hard, the girl clearly needed help, but not on the shop floor in the presence and hearing of customers. There is a time and place, her friend would be wise to advise this young person to seek professional help.
One grumpy old granny sends her love.XXXX
According to You magazine in the Mail on Sunday 27/08/2006 Wallis has been reborn, a great shop that I have always liked so if even better I shall make a special trip to see if it lives up to the hype. Still this shop can be on the expensive side.
Yesterday I popped into Sidcup for my pre chemo blood test and stopped in at Woolworths, well really this takes the biscuit. The lady in front of me was being served (half heartedly) by one member of staff while a rather younger member regailed us all (by accident) about her torrid dream, its odd references to hating her mother, her father drowning, her feeling of low self esteem Blah Blah Blah, not sure she had been drugged or was drunk, she did not stop for breath. Her colleague moved on to me and served me in the same half hearted fashion while listening to this drivel and offering worlds of wisdom to this - wreck. She barely batted an eyelid in referrence to me. Is this true multi tasking? shop assistant and councellor all in one deal, cheap sessions at the counter!!!!! Actually this is not what I call customer service. One member of staff who appeared less that capable of managing her life distracting a second member of staff. The cruncher was when said patient said "I really don't think I am being listened to" oh really, I beg to differ.
It may seem that I have been a little hard, the girl clearly needed help, but not on the shop floor in the presence and hearing of customers. There is a time and place, her friend would be wise to advise this young person to seek professional help.
One grumpy old granny sends her love.XXXX
HALF WAY THERE
Well today I had my third chemo session, only three more to go. You will note that I have posted a picture on me 'en process' I took with me a silly balloon and kept holding it in front of my face and saying "What's up Doc" well it had to be done, didn't it? They think I'm mad anyway, so mad I was.
Keith was his usual efficient self, I felt nothing except that strange sensation you get in the nose, of all places, a sort of electric shock type tingle. It was all over by 11.45am so and hour all told. Now more tablets - which I hate taking. The important thing is to take your temperature 4 times a day for at least three days, then twice a day after that. Infection is the problem, and any sign of a temp increase and I have to call into the unit.
I did feel a little down today, I guess I just want it over and done.
Love Granny.
Keith was his usual efficient self, I felt nothing except that strange sensation you get in the nose, of all places, a sort of electric shock type tingle. It was all over by 11.45am so and hour all told. Now more tablets - which I hate taking. The important thing is to take your temperature 4 times a day for at least three days, then twice a day after that. Infection is the problem, and any sign of a temp increase and I have to call into the unit.
I did feel a little down today, I guess I just want it over and done.
Love Granny.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
BEXLEYHEATH -V- THE REST
I have lived in London Borough of Bexley since 1983. Over the years I have watched with horror the terrible mess Bexleyheath has become. I rarely if ever shop there now, I hate with some passion the monstrosity they call a shopping centre. It has no character, that has been driven out. Replaced by large pubs aimed at the young resulting in nightly antisocial behaviour. the shopping is dire, the shops are same o same o as every where else but lack any sparkle.
The pedestrian area is frequented by aimless young people from around the borough and beyond, who have this idea that only they have a right to be there and behave accordingly. I never go there in the evening, why should I? with only the choice of juvenile drinking establishments and fast food and mediocre chain eateries. I want some where adult - ie over 21 please, noise free where good food and good music are the order of the day. There is only one restaurant that is worthy of the title and accordingly it is pricey, so not a regular place to visit. There is not one quality night time venue anywhere in the borough, who seem hell bent on concreting the borough over. Traffic management is a joke, as are the parking restrictions.
THE REST.
I prefer to shop in Dartford and Woolwich - same general problems but I just find it more appealing to shop in these two areas. They still have some sense of identity.
Dartford has a small shopping mall but it has some nice shops, although if you shop in Primark beware, over stocked and not well managed in terms of floor space or marketing stratergy, which is I guess pile it in sell it cheap and on the whole the staff are slow, bored and demotivated. However my bargin was a black heavy linen long multi gored skirt for £5. In Peppermint I purchased a pair of khaki base ball boots for £5 which you could buy similar in Schuh for £34 (some mark up!!!) These two items should last me all winter.
As you know I like an early visit to Bluewater, it is funny what a difference the sum makes when it streams in through the roof lights. The best of both worlds. Outside is maturing nicely with trees, streams, wildlife and over by the Village, the restaurants have space outside to eat. Except you must not feed the Wildfowl!!!
My one moan is that it brings the Mums with babies out in force, they also bring their uber trendy mini me's with a disasterous result, me listening to spoilt children moaning "but I want it" reflections of the mothers I guess in the 'I' want society we have become. Given the cost of things in the shops of Bluewater, I guess the credit cards get a hammering.
I noted a sad trend of trainers on wheels worn by the very young, who not only run between the narrow aisles of shops they skate and look at others (Me) as if I am in their way. I love children, I believe we should love and care for them, but not to allow hyperactive out of control under fives to run around and jump on seating in coffee shops without restraint. I was horrified when a couple of Mums with a child each, sat a the table where I was and proceeded to chat with the occassional, 'now' to the respective children. One of these children with a full set of teeth apparently doesn't like to chew his food (or more likely won't) and clearly mum is pandering to this by her less than helpful atttitude she actually allows this behaviour and virtually encourages it, he had a very small current which immediately had to be washed down with water Quote "It is the only way he will eat anything". Could this be the only way he gets her attention? oh I think so.
I do not know which is worse, dippy mothers or those who scream torrants of abuse at their young. Children need boundaries, they feel secure if they are encouraged. Children learn to scream from adults, because they (parents) scream at each other, children won't eat because they don't. Loving is not about pandering to tantrums and demands. Behaviour is learnt in the home. You have children then it is the whole deal, manners, feeding, education, health the parents responsibility not the state.
In Cuba, I heard one mother complain that there were no chicken nuggets on the buffet at lunch. What? we were in Cuba and the food we had was better than good, plentiful, fresh and there was a lot of stuff for any child to eat, not least fresh cooked pasta while you wait with the sauce of your choice, what was wrong with that and a little salad and fresh fruit? nothing. This child was a product of it's education, why visit Cuba? go to Bexleyheath if chicken nuggets are all you want.
Back to Bluewater, Gold star for Evans and Elvi who fly the flag for the larger woman, they both had some nice stuff.
Monsoon, Zara, Strawberry Bunny, East are very nice shops as is 'Lucy in the Sky' but far too expensive.
My biggest complaint about any shopping is that staff are Snooty, Lack manners, are condecending and just not interested in customers. Have none of these shops heard of Staff Training?
I know I have had a moan, but really - I am sad for this country.
Love Granny
The pedestrian area is frequented by aimless young people from around the borough and beyond, who have this idea that only they have a right to be there and behave accordingly. I never go there in the evening, why should I? with only the choice of juvenile drinking establishments and fast food and mediocre chain eateries. I want some where adult - ie over 21 please, noise free where good food and good music are the order of the day. There is only one restaurant that is worthy of the title and accordingly it is pricey, so not a regular place to visit. There is not one quality night time venue anywhere in the borough, who seem hell bent on concreting the borough over. Traffic management is a joke, as are the parking restrictions.
THE REST.
I prefer to shop in Dartford and Woolwich - same general problems but I just find it more appealing to shop in these two areas. They still have some sense of identity.
Dartford has a small shopping mall but it has some nice shops, although if you shop in Primark beware, over stocked and not well managed in terms of floor space or marketing stratergy, which is I guess pile it in sell it cheap and on the whole the staff are slow, bored and demotivated. However my bargin was a black heavy linen long multi gored skirt for £5. In Peppermint I purchased a pair of khaki base ball boots for £5 which you could buy similar in Schuh for £34 (some mark up!!!) These two items should last me all winter.
As you know I like an early visit to Bluewater, it is funny what a difference the sum makes when it streams in through the roof lights. The best of both worlds. Outside is maturing nicely with trees, streams, wildlife and over by the Village, the restaurants have space outside to eat. Except you must not feed the Wildfowl!!!
My one moan is that it brings the Mums with babies out in force, they also bring their uber trendy mini me's with a disasterous result, me listening to spoilt children moaning "but I want it" reflections of the mothers I guess in the 'I' want society we have become. Given the cost of things in the shops of Bluewater, I guess the credit cards get a hammering.
I noted a sad trend of trainers on wheels worn by the very young, who not only run between the narrow aisles of shops they skate and look at others (Me) as if I am in their way. I love children, I believe we should love and care for them, but not to allow hyperactive out of control under fives to run around and jump on seating in coffee shops without restraint. I was horrified when a couple of Mums with a child each, sat a the table where I was and proceeded to chat with the occassional, 'now' to the respective children. One of these children with a full set of teeth apparently doesn't like to chew his food (or more likely won't) and clearly mum is pandering to this by her less than helpful atttitude she actually allows this behaviour and virtually encourages it, he had a very small current which immediately had to be washed down with water Quote "It is the only way he will eat anything". Could this be the only way he gets her attention? oh I think so.
I do not know which is worse, dippy mothers or those who scream torrants of abuse at their young. Children need boundaries, they feel secure if they are encouraged. Children learn to scream from adults, because they (parents) scream at each other, children won't eat because they don't. Loving is not about pandering to tantrums and demands. Behaviour is learnt in the home. You have children then it is the whole deal, manners, feeding, education, health the parents responsibility not the state.
In Cuba, I heard one mother complain that there were no chicken nuggets on the buffet at lunch. What? we were in Cuba and the food we had was better than good, plentiful, fresh and there was a lot of stuff for any child to eat, not least fresh cooked pasta while you wait with the sauce of your choice, what was wrong with that and a little salad and fresh fruit? nothing. This child was a product of it's education, why visit Cuba? go to Bexleyheath if chicken nuggets are all you want.
Back to Bluewater, Gold star for Evans and Elvi who fly the flag for the larger woman, they both had some nice stuff.
Monsoon, Zara, Strawberry Bunny, East are very nice shops as is 'Lucy in the Sky' but far too expensive.
My biggest complaint about any shopping is that staff are Snooty, Lack manners, are condecending and just not interested in customers. Have none of these shops heard of Staff Training?
I know I have had a moan, but really - I am sad for this country.
Love Granny
Thursday, August 24, 2006
OLDCHURCH HOSPITAL
This the hospital where my brother and I were born, it is in Romford Essex. It is also where my Mum trained as a nurse. She worked as an operating theater sister there, and when she had the both of us she stayed home to look after us. Later she worked at Southampton General Hospital for 20 years until her retirement. My question is, does anybody care that this wonderful old hospital in Romford has gone?
I cannot complain at my treatment at Queen Mary's Sidcup, but I would say this. Nursing is a vocation and a career and it is about care of patients. My mum was held in high esteem, she was never afraid to get her hands dirty (she then washed them of course) she did what had to be done. Recently I heard of a nurse who refused to deal with a bed pan, because it was not her job. Nonsense and get a life.
Love Granny.
I cannot complain at my treatment at Queen Mary's Sidcup, but I would say this. Nursing is a vocation and a career and it is about care of patients. My mum was held in high esteem, she was never afraid to get her hands dirty (she then washed them of course) she did what had to be done. Recently I heard of a nurse who refused to deal with a bed pan, because it was not her job. Nonsense and get a life.
Love Granny.
QUITE A FEW BITS
Firstly, the hair has begun to fall out again, this is about right. I had a shortish period when no hair fell out and I judged that last time the hair begun to fall about five days before the next round of chemo and the same appears to be happening. No problem, just another stage.
Secondly, there has been a great deal written about breast cancer in the press. I noted an article by Kerry Ross (Paul Ross's ex wife) in the Mail. Very interesting and informative and hugely positive. She had only recently remarried prior to her diagnosis, which was an awful shock for her. This is a must read.
Thirdly, the suff about new drugs is very disruptive for people, not all the drugs work on all people, it very much remains an issue as to what kind of cancer a person has. I fear peoples expectations are built up unrealistically - this fuels demands which do not reflect what is right for the patient.
What makes me angry is the money the drug companies are making, yes it costs money for research, development etc etc I understand that. but come on chaps the bottom line is your share holders who are making money on the back of other peoples pain and suffering. this is morally and ethically repugnant. Reduce the cost to the Health Services, no one should have to decide on cost grounds who can have what treatment, these decisions should only be made on clinical evidence. I think it is appaling to put a cost on HIP REPLACEMENT versus CHILD HOOD ILLNESS TREATMENT. I also worry that people 'chase' cures and demand a treatment for themselves those who are well off can of course do this, the poor cannot. I also think that to mortgage ones self is unrealistic.
Fourthly, the issue of death. There are people who demand the right to end their life, when in their view their quality of life is not worth it, there may be a number of reasons for this and who am I to judge what is right for them. The manner of death is important, I would rather die without pain and there are wonderful places where this process is made easier, I mean hospices of course. This would be my choice, to die well when it is my time. I find it apporant that some legal and religious voices seek to determine what this should or should not mean for individuals, they add to a persons sense of fear and pain by punishing them with arguments that reflect an ideology rather than humanity. The other issue is of course, we all die, nothing else in this world is more certain. No one has the right to take life, murder etc this goes without saying, but to prolong life beyond nature is repugnant because it is not life.
We are born, we live our lives and we die, it is arrogant of an individual to think that they should live forever, why should I for example live longer than you? am I better or of more value you that you? No, I am equal to you in value. What matters to me is how I live my life and how I die, peacfully and knowing I am loved.
Secondly, there has been a great deal written about breast cancer in the press. I noted an article by Kerry Ross (Paul Ross's ex wife) in the Mail. Very interesting and informative and hugely positive. She had only recently remarried prior to her diagnosis, which was an awful shock for her. This is a must read.
Thirdly, the suff about new drugs is very disruptive for people, not all the drugs work on all people, it very much remains an issue as to what kind of cancer a person has. I fear peoples expectations are built up unrealistically - this fuels demands which do not reflect what is right for the patient.
What makes me angry is the money the drug companies are making, yes it costs money for research, development etc etc I understand that. but come on chaps the bottom line is your share holders who are making money on the back of other peoples pain and suffering. this is morally and ethically repugnant. Reduce the cost to the Health Services, no one should have to decide on cost grounds who can have what treatment, these decisions should only be made on clinical evidence. I think it is appaling to put a cost on HIP REPLACEMENT versus CHILD HOOD ILLNESS TREATMENT. I also worry that people 'chase' cures and demand a treatment for themselves those who are well off can of course do this, the poor cannot. I also think that to mortgage ones self is unrealistic.
Fourthly, the issue of death. There are people who demand the right to end their life, when in their view their quality of life is not worth it, there may be a number of reasons for this and who am I to judge what is right for them. The manner of death is important, I would rather die without pain and there are wonderful places where this process is made easier, I mean hospices of course. This would be my choice, to die well when it is my time. I find it apporant that some legal and religious voices seek to determine what this should or should not mean for individuals, they add to a persons sense of fear and pain by punishing them with arguments that reflect an ideology rather than humanity. The other issue is of course, we all die, nothing else in this world is more certain. No one has the right to take life, murder etc this goes without saying, but to prolong life beyond nature is repugnant because it is not life.
We are born, we live our lives and we die, it is arrogant of an individual to think that they should live forever, why should I for example live longer than you? am I better or of more value you that you? No, I am equal to you in value. What matters to me is how I live my life and how I die, peacfully and knowing I am loved.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
HAIR TODAY, GONE TOMORROW
Hi World, You will have seen that I have posted two pictures, which are acurate representations of myself, losing hair. If anybody is afraid of this happening to them, please don't be. I have read so much lately in fashion magazines and today in the paper about women who have lost their hair, some like me through Chemo, who are just inspirational about how they dealt with it. I have choosen not to do the wig thing, but that's me. Today however wigs are incredable, even Trevor Sorbie markets a wig design. Don't be sad, because I look on it as a fresh start, it is visible but if people find it difficult then it is their problem not yours or mine, it is their fears. I might have to get the setson out soon, can't have a sunburnt head.
I have made contact with a friend from Junior School, after all these years - via - Friends Reunited. It so happens his sister, was diagnosed about 10 years ago, she lives in Jamaica where she has given up her career to work for Breast Cancer and is an artist. I cannot wait to talk to her, to gather inspiration from her. You know It Is Life Changing, I refuse to be punished by other peoples expectations of the disease.
If I survive, which I hope I will (nothing is guaranteed) then for the rest of the time that I have I will smile, laugh, sing and DO THINGS. I will travel, I will learn about Britain and nature. I want to be able to pass on to my grandchildren, a love of life. We have one life, it is not a rehersal, we cannot undo (realistically) things that should not have be done - that is a persons history. But whats coming we can impact, what ever time we have. It is really not about how much time an individual has but what they do with that time. Talk to family, share a meal, share a tear, share a hug - create a memory. This is the way to proceed with things that frighten us. If I get sicker later in the process, so be it. Other people out there have been less fortunate than I and I recognise how difficult it is for them.
More tomorrow. Love Granny
I have made contact with a friend from Junior School, after all these years - via - Friends Reunited. It so happens his sister, was diagnosed about 10 years ago, she lives in Jamaica where she has given up her career to work for Breast Cancer and is an artist. I cannot wait to talk to her, to gather inspiration from her. You know It Is Life Changing, I refuse to be punished by other peoples expectations of the disease.
If I survive, which I hope I will (nothing is guaranteed) then for the rest of the time that I have I will smile, laugh, sing and DO THINGS. I will travel, I will learn about Britain and nature. I want to be able to pass on to my grandchildren, a love of life. We have one life, it is not a rehersal, we cannot undo (realistically) things that should not have be done - that is a persons history. But whats coming we can impact, what ever time we have. It is really not about how much time an individual has but what they do with that time. Talk to family, share a meal, share a tear, share a hug - create a memory. This is the way to proceed with things that frighten us. If I get sicker later in the process, so be it. Other people out there have been less fortunate than I and I recognise how difficult it is for them.
More tomorrow. Love Granny
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