BULLYING

I recognise the nature of bullying is very damaging for the bullied. I am aware many young people out there may be victims and perhaps are afraid to speak up. Today I read a article by Dr Tanya Byron in The Times 31/07/2006 (Times2 section) p 11. She wrote in response to a parent who's child was being bullied and her response was sensible and reasoned. It should be on line.

Children should contact Child Line 0800 1111 and talk to their expert consellors. (Free)

Parents of victims should try 0808 8002222 called Parentline Plus. (Free)

Please also look at www.dfes.gov.uk/bullying.

The law protects you from physical assault but abusive behaviour is hard to prove however remember that a school or work place should have a robust policy against abuse and discrimination on grounds of sex, race, disability supported by legislation and the Human Rights Act in the case of Schools as public authority bodies they have a duty to protect victims of bullying. It isimportant to keep a diary, containing the day, date time and place of the bullying activity, who it was, what they were wearing - in other words discribe them. I think you need to understand that you need to identify the bully to the right people, remembering that they will defend themselves against this allegation. Do not be put off. Who was all there (discriptions of all if possible) is very important. I also suggest that if you disclose to someone in authority, note the response you get. Keep e mails, texts and letters these are hard evidence, they can be traced or forensically examined. This way you TAKE CONTROL.

The bully is not a happy person far from it. You find bullies, in the street, driving a car, in school, in work, and in relationships. They are not happy so they want to make your life unhappy.

My own approach is to say to myself, more fool them they don't know me and now they never will. I condemn them in my mind to a friendless existence, very unchristian I know. If people want to hurt me with words, I could easily give as good back - but what is the point, bully's win if the bullied reacts. What a bully hates most is to be ignored, because they are not the centre of your attention. In my experience if one person is being bullied then so are others, so band together be a team, not to 'take on' the bully but to stand united. Bullies rely on the fear of their 'friends' to back them up. Two, three or four 'bullied people' are not such an easy target, the bully seeks to isolate the victim.

It is like the 'flasher' who's thrill is the shock of the victim, if you are not shocked even laugh at them they are deflated. Of course it is always simple for others to say - do this, that or the other. Remember you are not alone, seek help.

NEVER CARRY A WEAPON TO DEFEND YOURSELF
never carry a KNIFE or a GUN. What once is done, cannot be undone however remorseful a person is after using a weapon. Carry an attack alarm, what the bully does not want is attention brought to themselves.

AND SOMETHING ELSE

Basic common sense saftey when out.

EMPOWER YOURSELF.

1) Tell someone where you are going and when you will be back or write down and leave it at home for others to read.
2) Carry a mobile phone topped up (BUT NOT ON SHOW)
3) Do not carry your valuables in one place, spread around your person, keys in one place, wallet another. At the very least carry some cash on you for emergency purposes, do not put any where obvious - where a robber might look, speed for the robber is of the essence.
4) If you want to wear good jewellery at an event do not wear to or from venue. What can not be seen can not be taken. Victims are picked for what they have ie mobile phones, MP3 players etc.
5) You need to react so be aware of your surroundings, names of roads, road surface, lighting and who is where and doing what. Never hug a wall, if safe walk down centre of road (not a busy road obviously, basically away from cover that might hide someone.
6) I carry an alarm with a small pin point torch, give yourself a chance to see.
7) A personal choice of mine is to carry a small bag on a long strap that I wear across my shoulder and under a coat or jumper I am wearing - for night times and visits to London using tubes, buses or trains.
8) Know where your keys are.
9) Shoes - if you need to run get those heels off, shoes can be replaced.
10) Act decisively in any situation but never fight back if you don't think you can win, live to fight another day.
11) Be very careful when out drinking, keep a close watch on your drink, it takes no time at all to add a drug. When someone has had a couple of drinks it becomes more difficult to know when the alcohol level has been raised.

These are purely my thoughts, they are about how I go about London. I cannot say that these will protect you - no one is attack proof. This is about stacking the odds in your favour.


Love to all Granny xxx

GETTING TO THE CORE

I have taken to Blog hopping recently, as a result I have become so concerned about the apparent high number of children, teenagers out there who appear lonely, bullied, disillusioned and demotivated. This in my view makes them ideal targets for unwanted attention by those who seek to abuse.

Life is never easy, it does not fall into easy or comfortable sections just because - out there in commercial land - we are told it should.

If we are fat or thin, short or tall, male, female, transexual, bisexual, homosexual or any thing else we should be defined by who we are as individuals not as a carbon copy human being.

As the old saying says 'SX!# happens' what needs to happen is to rise above it. I hate people who say, if "I can do such and such so can you" because they simply imply and instill failure in the other person.


We need to be true to ourselves and our dreams, not someone elses.

This does not mean that this gives us the right to excuse ourselves from 'acting, doing and being'
To do anything other than engage with life is to give up on life. How you engage is up to the individual - I will not presume to ever offer advice. I am jotting down my feelings and personal ideology developed over 51 years of life experience.


SO WHO AM I? It ws not until the later years of my life that I discovered that the depressive periods I had experienced (for which I was treated, and remain on medication for) had roots in some very strange places.

I can first recall being 'depressed' as a child of 6 when my Grandmother died on my Birthday. I blamed myself for her death, because it was on my birthday. I feared death and often could not sleep because I feared I would never wake up. I was no longer the blond curly haired mini person that I had been. I morphed into a skinny, nervous, rebel unable to talk to my parents.


By the time I was a teenager, around 13 my grandfather came to live with us - he was ill and I resented him. He invaded our space why could he not look after himself. I was of course selfish in youth not to realise the frailty of age and diminished ability. My mother cared for him, and I shared a room with my brother, just when I started my periods which of course drove me to hate that process. I hated that to be a woman I had to go through this monthly nightmare.


I wanted to be a Marxist, I was a Che fan, I wore black, beatnic style, later Hippy, later Punk.
I was and remain anti Vietnam war, I wanted/want an equal world, with equal opportunity. I was ever mindful failing to achieve my potential which I did spectacularly.


At 15, following my grandfathers death, we had a car crash. I hurt my face, I was scarred how ever small ( I lost two front teeth) I was unable to smile again for years embarassed by the face I presented to the world. I was told often to hold my head up and look people in the eye, but I did not want to so I retreated into my shell. Do you know? No one noticed because they were busy with their own lives, troubles and woes. I regret bitterly not engaging more with Granddad, he is gone and I can't ask those important questions in order to know him. I look endlessly at pictures of the 'old family' I have worked on my family tree. Talk to you family ask questions, when it is too late, it is too late. This is about your roots, your history and vital when seeking to understand yourself.


I wanted to be Germaine Greer I wanted to be bright, intelligent and challenging but I would always be trapped by middle England values. I had been Christened and confirmed I had been a Sunday School teacher but lost my faith in any God. You cannot impose faith it has to come from inside. For years I wore a Star of David in recognition of my need to atone for the ills of the world. I removed it years later in despair of believing that indeed 'an eye for an eye' was not the way forward but retrograde and doomed for disaster. I battled with understanding what was happening in Northern Ireland between and in the name of Christian Churches. No one should kill in the name of God, most kill for personal power.


I was 17 and half when I was raped, by a man I knew, whom I thought liked me. Besotted by his manner he was some 6 years my senior and a soldier. I was an ugly duckling, never in the IN CROWD never with a boyfriend. I lost my virginity in a rainy wood against my will. I was in the middle of my period, I was left bloody and bewildered. I remember the detail of my betrayal - I was the victim of a bet as to who could get the 'grimmer' to have sex. This is a 'boys game' which now finds expression in date rape drug scenarios. I remained silent because I knew I would get the blame, it had to be my fault. He was very violent and I thought he would kill me. It remained unreported until recently. I have tried all my working life to help victims of sexual assualt and domestic violence to try and deal with the fact that I did not speak up. This was a very dark period. I was in constant mental and physical pain.


I only told my story about the rape to my family recently.


I married in 1975 too young and divorced latter. I had always drank my problems away and this was no exception. Believe me living through the bottle does not work.

My relationships have as a result nearly always been - brinkmanship.

I gave up men for a long time except for quick flings with no emotional contact.

What I have now has lasted for 16 years so, I say this relationships can work but they take hard work. They don't magically become. My partner saw me through my worst depression. I worked hard to find answers, with the help of council, friendship and medication. I learnt to love myself, raise myself up, educated myself. I always am prepared to listen to those in distress. I walk with my head high, I do not let people bully me or put me down. I value my own ideas and yes on occasions I can be a touch arrogant. I expect better of people because I expect better of and for myself.

I resolved a lot of the baggage when I was having counselling, later supported by medication. Talking to a third, non involved, party allows you to be honest with yourself. I have stragtergies in place to manage the fear of my dark days.

I am against 'Forced Marriage' I am against the traffic of women and children for sex. I stand against Domestic Violence. I am against drug use and I blame drug growers/manufactures and dealers for the destruction of indiviudals in the millions - in my view a genocide. I blame high profile individuals drug use in making it cool. I stand foresquare against sex tourism. I condem the use of knives and guns on our urban streets. Drugs, Guns etc make money for the few who control the supply - what better way to under mine society than to kill the children with their own hand.

I have twice tried to kill myself, but life believe me is worth living. I like to look and feel good - ill or not ill.

My personal faith is just that personal, I pray, I wonder, I ask. Most importantly I do not believe anyone should tell you what you should believe. I do not tell you what your faith should be.
Come on Kids. Please try. TO LIFE Love Granny.

A DAY LIKE ANY OTHER

Today I am in our little office, looking out at our's and our neighbour's garden, over the fence toward the animal sancutary that is the grave yard. Yes! we have a graveyard at the bottom of our garden, full of big fir trees that are home to Woodpeckers, Squirals, and Wood Pigeons amongst others.

It is of course peaceful and I love looking at it and watching life! unfold there.

My neigbour's have a pond full of different types of Lillies, there are Dragon Flies and of course fish. Today the garden is full of butterflies and it is not to warm to enjoy. There is a Squiral doing acrobatics in the biggest tree which is far to enegetic for me. My neighbour is very lucky because thy get the Blue Tits and different finches in their garden, drawn by the traquile nature of the pond, and hanging coconut halves.


Mick took me out for a meal on Thursday night I was desperate for an Indian Meal. He said he had not noticed before but that I was looking ridiculously healthy, 10 years younger in fact and my double chins had gone! nice. What is it that is in this chemo? That is the most bizarre thing, I am feeling better than I could have hoped. I am assured it will be worse, but who cares - I look 10 year younger, yippee. You will see from the picture of me 'dans la' headress that it looks 'tres chic'. My French is of the 'Del Boy' standard as you can see - pretentious 'Moi'.

A big fashion tip coming here, KAFTANS my all time favourite dress (great on it's own, short or long, over jeans, out for a meal, at the beach) My first I brought in 1974 in Morocco in the Casbah they (I brought more than one) were of blue cotton, with white embroidery. Works for Slim or Fuller figure and are comfortable. The 1970's look is back in the shops, I wish I could buy some more, my most recent one is white cotton. A great go anywhere look. It is also very sexy. So much more sexy than fat bellies over jeans! am I just getting old? I am not being fatist just a plea to all who wear the current fad, of short top with trouser or short skirt that exposes naval and tyres - it does you no favours and only works if you are toned. It doesn't even work if you are skinny! If you are pregnant, OK may be but how you dress around the lump makes all the difference.


My new tipple is lots of Clementine juice in a large glass with lots of ice - bliss.

Merlot is a complete blessing, my companion and guard. Mick is nights this weekend so she has a big role to play.

Have a nice day. Love granny

ME AT CHEMO IN COLD CAP
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DISGUSTINGLY HEALTHY

Well I have to say I feel in rude good health - considering. Mick says I look 10 years younger!!!!! Iam fully aware that the build up of treatment will impact very soon but I refuse to be down hearted. I will live full of verve for as long as possible - as the ad says 'VA VA Voom'

Mick took me out for a meal yesterday evening, bliss. Love Grannyxx

Moving On

I have been really lucky, and only feeing mildly sicky and tired, some hours worse than others. Despite heat had great sleep last night and feel functional today. Yesterday, early, I did go shopping just for an hour to Sainsburys, somehow most important to feel normal. I keep a record of what I do so that I can fill in some forms for hospital about how my situation is, part of research.


I find unsweetend Grapefruit is the best refreshing juice, sharp and clean. I am eating fruit (I love melon) and the snack meals are best - little and regular. What you want is important, what you feel like eating. I had a half glass of red wine last night, nothing horrid happened.


I worry of course that if/when things get worse due to build up of treatment the treats will be less appealing. Love you all, Granny

FIRST TIME

On the 19th I had my first chemo, was scared but it was not as awful as I feared. Fear of the unkown is always worst. Keith my nurse was brilliant and explained everything carefully and was honest. Ice cap ok picuture to be posted later. I ate a little later and slept well, just slight sicky feeling. Temp was fine. I also feel similar to day, maybe more tired than normal. Anyone out there worrying about having chemo, try and be positive, if you loose your hair as I will later, I suggest you be proud, it will grow back and making a statement to others makes them less afraid to talk to you I am sure.

Who knows about tomorrow. For me it is an hour by hour thing. Keep smiling. Granny

THE ONLY PLACE TO DRINK ON THE ISLE OF WIGHT - I LOVE THIS PUB. 2006
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HEART ON A CUBAN BEACH - AFTER A WEDDING
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I TOLD YOU I WAS VAIN, ME IN CUBA
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DAFFODIL - MY FAVOURITE FLOWER
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CUBA - 2005 NEED I SAY MORE
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A SKELETON DRAFT

I had my scan and the consultant let me see myself as a skeleton, which was amazing and brilliant - I have a skeleton just like the ones you seen in medical schools and such like. We all know of course that this is true but to see youself as a skeleton devoid of your recognisable features is remarkable. Actually a lot can be told about my life from the skeleton, the fall off a scooter when I was five still shows on my knee, my funny tooth in my jaw, the feet and ankles of a high heel and job boot wearer----- all there. The Irish consultant was so funny, I said the scan machine felt like being in a coffin (not that I have been in one -recently) he then told me about Irish wakes, and I said if there is any drinking to be done I was jolly well going to be at my own wake. Mines a pint of Guiness by the way!!!!!!!


We have had a great day today at the Italian Market, the Farm shop and a nice drink in the White Cross Pub. It is beautiful weather and it makes me smile.


Bye for now everybody, keep smiling. Granny

THE BUSINESS OF BEING ILL!

The business of illness is extraordinary, I have visited hospitals on my own behalf more in the last 5 weeks than ever in my life. As a patient you view things very differently from when visiting or working (as I have many times in the past) it is a strange world of machines and test. Today is my bone scan, a nuclear x-ray very 'Dr Who'. I cannot imagine it but would love to look at what my body looks like inside, what my structure is.

Happy Hoque the Breast surgeon, yes that is his name, did a lovely sewing up job, if only I was not so lazy at the physio. This meant a visit to see 'The Physio' a lovely girl called Nerys who could have fitted under my arm pit, I felt so tall and small at the same time as she told me off for not stretching enough. I also got to rub my scar, the first time I had touched it (I was afraid to you see) it is as if part of me while there physically is not connected to my brain, numb but not numb.

More tests next week prior to chemo (19th July) this time an abdominal scan and chest x-ray. Apparently the Breast Cancer cells like to migrate to the bones, chest or liver. This made me think of 'Silence of the Lambs' but no Chianti with this liver. As I said a business, but let me say this for the record the treatment, and staff from GP to the cleaner in the ward has been kind and efficient. Well done the NHS in very difficult circumstances. Remember to be a patient patient, there are always those worse off than yourself.


Am I scared? yes I am afraid that I am but I try not to cry, no time for self pity but actually you do need to cry sometimes so I watch 'Touched by an Angel' it allows me to cry for others. I have to say Della Reece has always been a favourite. My other sources of comfort are a book of prayers religon non specific, and the work of Maya Angelou which is inspirational and I am proud to say I saw her in London in conversation on stage and she was stunning and wise.

I read the other day in a paper that if you said you had been a hippy, then you probably had not been. I dispute this, I was one and remain one - proud to be for peace, love and flowers in my hair.

Sentimental oh very definately, I love happy endings to wonderful dreams.

The song that I have chosen to help me through this period is 'stand by me' by Shane Ward he has a fab voice and it means something to Mick and I, I will also listen to the tango, fado music and classical music to lift my spirits on down days.

Let's not forget that 90 years ago during the battle of the Somme the flower of the worlds men died so that there would be no more war, they died it appears in vain because war continues.

In the spirit of the forgiveness let us lay down our arms, we die quick enough as it is.

BREAST CANCER UPDATE

I have a grade 2 cancer and must have chemotherapy which I am 'happy' to have (well you know what I mean) I am dealing with this in an as upfront way as I can. No time for tears, get on and get the job done. I have posted a couple of pictures for reference and wonder what my new self might look like. Chemo date is 19th July. Love to all.

THE MOST RECENT PHOTO OF ME - BEFORE CHEMO.
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FLOWERS FROM THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY CLOSE, AFTER I CAME OUT OF HOSPITAL.
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