STILL TIRED

This last session of chemo has made me very tired. I have been staying in bed where I feel cosy and comfortable and safe. I had quite a long talk with my chemo nurse Yvonne this time round (Keith was on his hols) I realise I must be careful about what I say about cancer and where I direct you. Firstly all our breast cancers are different really, we all react differently to treatment. This is important so that we don't build up unrealistic expectations beyond the nature of the cancer we have. This can be self defeating. Learn and discuss with your medical team. There is so much info out there, most recently in The Independent who had massive front page coverage on the subject (Friday 29th) 80% Rise in Breast Cancer since 1970's!!!! I believe my reasons are since this is a Hormonal Cancer that I have, 1) Never having children so no breast feeding 2) Fat, this is reflected in the fact I had my gaul bladder (fat related) removed last year I was over weight -result I have dramactically changed my diet, 3) Late menopause 4) Alcohol in take more than I should. Some of our experiences are good and some dreadful. Not every treatment works in each case but remember that a postive attitude is so important. We need not to apologise to the world for how we feel or look. Within safe parameters we need to get out there and show people we are not all dying but some sadly have/are and they need love and understanding. It is the big possibility, but not without a fight I can tell you.

I go to my local pub, and my dear friend 'Long John' always gives me a huge hug and says loudly "how is my sexy gorgeous girl", I say "you forgot to call my baldy!" He does wonders making me feel normal and it is a huge demonstration of his support. I hope it shows that I don't care squat about my hair. The Land Lord Kevin has my special drink ready (grapefruit and tonic water) and kisses my hand and other people come up and include me in their groups and fun. Now thats what I call friendship. I am also allowed to sit, read my paper, do my crossword and enjoy the general 'old fahionedness' of a place I love.


Love Granny XXX

THE WORLDS WORST SPELLER

According to Mick, who read my blog, this is me - the worlds worst speller. I have to agree. I can write a word, look at it and not see that it is wrong. So I apologise to all. I do check but if you can't tell that a word is wrong it does little good. When I am at work Jackie spell checks for me. I am also not brilliant a grammar so you may wonder how I got through my degree courses! well with much blood sweat and tears believe me. I love to read, I read perfectly well I even do crosswords. I think much of my problem is when I write I see in my mind what I want to say, if it sounds right it is right and down it goes generally with letters out of place. So please read around any poor spelling, yes I know my Devine is spelt with an E and not Divine with an I but I am not a divinity am I!

Love Granny.

PS feeling a little better today.

4 DOWN 2 TO GO

Well that that one done, no pain or discomfort at time of process. I do feel rotten now, very tired and sicky but hey I knew to expect it. I really could not do this without Mick, who is there beside me during the process, he also gives me lots of hugs but I know he is very worried.

Jusy a short one this time.

See you all later.
Love Granny

SO MANY BREAST CANCER BLOGS

There are so many women like myself out there blogging about Breast Cancer. Look at www.thecancerblog.com which is a great link. Found some ideas that appealed. :-Cancer Vixen and Cancer Warriors are terms I would like to apply to myself.

Then I found a poem on www.grove.ufl.edu/~johndon/blog I researched and found the full version, which I have copied below


If I had my child to raise all over again,
I’d finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I’d do more hugging and less tugging.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd teach less about the love of power ,
and more about the power of love.

by ~Diane Loomans 'Full Esteem Ahead' Published by Kramer, California. Diane is a teacher and author.

It just says it all really and I really must be less judgemental, I should stop moaning and just get on.

The poem above my home desk is '17th Century Nun's Prayer' I will let you to find for yourself as it is quite long. I will leave you with one line:-

'Release me from craving to straighten out everybody's affairs'

Please Lord.
Love Granny xx

THE DAY BEFORE 4TH CHEMO

RED ADMIRALS IN THE GARDEN!!!

I hate this day, because I know tomorrow I am going to have my chemo, today is the day Ifeel my lowest. The nice thing is that nature came to my rescue. The garden was invaded and awash with Red Admiral Butterflies, which I was surprised to see this late in the year. I am not a butterfly expert. They seemed attracted to a bush that has the early signs of berries, but i think they were attracted by the sun since they sat for ages basking with their wings open. They have been there ages and are indeed still there even as I write.

Mick knows how I feel so he is taking me out for a meal tonight, a treat before the treatment (punny) and because at least I will be able to taste it.

My heart went out to Darren Clark when he played in the Ryder Cup this weekend. Sorry America - Europe won again. But what a tournament, what matches what play. Loved it. Such sportsmanship. To see Darren cheered by his friends only six weeks after losing his wife Heather to Breast Cancer. A man not afraid to cry, is a strong man. He has to be strong for his two young sons who have lost their mummy. I am sure heather was there for him and cheering him on. God Bless them all.

I have to say, Don't blame the Dogs. I was sad to see of the death of a five month old baby apparently mauled to death by two Rottwieler's. These dogs are not vichious unless they are trained or ill treated to become so. They are big dogs with natural tendancies and a bite that can not be freed easily. They did not know she was a baby she was a noisy animal or a toy to them. They were put down and I do understand why. No one should take on these dogs unless they treat them correctly and it appears from the news that they were used as guard dogs. I wonder if the owners understand the law in relation to guard dogs? These dogs should not have been left outside on the roof terrace ever. I suspect that they became jealous of the baby who was in their space (indoors) and reacted as any animal would to an invasion of its space. A baby should not have been taken into this premises at all, responsible dog owners should not have allowed it even if it is family. Also the dogs 'Master' or pack leader were not there so they would see it as defending territory. They were trained to do this it was apparently their role as guard dogs. Ironically on that very day while Mick and I were out walking in local country side we saw two large Rottwielers out with their owner and children. They were well behave and walking calmly. What happens with the press portrayal in pictures and words of these dogs as devil dogs will cause people to view these other two dogs as the same. There is an imperative to treat dogs properly with love and appropriately by owners and strangers.

My dog Merlot (a staffordshire bull terrier cross whippet - a mouth on legs) who is loving, is very much my dog and would get jealous if I give attention to my grandchildren if I had not trained her. She has to understand her place. We seperate them, but do introduce them carefully. Merlot has a V large puppy cage, this is her space and when the children are with us she goes in there. She cannot get out. She would bounce around and I would not risk her scratching or biting the kids when she is excited. When they are older I will take the intrduction further. They are allowed to stroke her only when I have hold of her, they are told how to treat her - ie not tease her. Merlot knows she is loved.

Will write again soon, Love Granny XX

CHRISTMAS REMEMBERED

The pictures are of Ma doing what she does best. This was the christmas OAP party in 2005. Michelle was the booked singer and the landlady asked her to let Ma sing. I am sure she wondered what she was getting up on stage. Ma pulled it off as ever, so much so they did it all again. This is how I will always remember Ma.

Love granny xxx

SINGING THE BLUES
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MUM AND MICHELLE 2005
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WELL I CAN LOOK

When a woman challenges a man if he looks at a PAGE THREE girl, he will say - I'm only looking. Sadly there are very few men who can be described as eye candy out there. That is to say worth looking at in a page three sort of way. Today however the Matalan catalogue (Autumn 2006) arrived through my door with what I can only describe as a 'nice surprise' within its pages. An exception that proves the rule. They have managed to find a male model that breaks all the rules and is just too beautiful to be true.


He is a tall very dark and oh so handsome black man! He has a shaved head and the most beautiful face, a smile that ignites and wonderful hands. Looks very nice dressed!!!!! (most men look better clothed) Fabulous eyes and then I came to the page where he is wearing only Jeff Banks and Pringle knitted boxer shorts - Oh my God what a body and in perfect perportion 'pecks and 6 pack' hips to die for. For the men out there this is why boxer shorts are so much better than any other male under wear, it keeps 'it' in and leaves all to the imagination which is so much better than the reality - and oh those neat little buttons!!!!! Not so much a lunch box more a three course meal. Guys if you want to pull a woman freshly washed underware is very important as is a well looked after body. I just know he smells heavanly as well. Not too much aftershave though please. He is what James Bond should look like, smooth, swave, sophisticated and deadly.

PS Matalan are on line, he's there but the pics are not so good, but you will get the idea.

For the girls in the office I think! Well I am only looking!!!!! Love granny

UPDATE

I visited the clinic yesterday for a check up with Dr Anne Rigg. She was happy with the fact that I was delayed a week, she said they could not take the risk. I cold and chest were much better and having listened to my chest Dr Rigg said she thought it was fine to have chemo next week. So I am booked in. I may have to have anti biotics every second week of the the cycle. I am prone to chesty colds and infections and there are a few about. The anti biotics are a proactive actions to prevent problems and delays. So I am only behind a week.

I like Dr Rigg, she works very hard at Clinic, (she normally works at St Thomas's) I noted that other patients are rediculously complaining about time issues, when all of us are there for help and information and treatment. If you are delayed so be it, Dr Rigg just about had time for a gulp of tea between paitents whom she saw from 08.30 to 13.30. Each person gets the time they deserve. I sat there listening ahnd thought, be a patient patient, you will get your turn. You are making your self worse (and me) by shouting at the top of your voice how 'crap' the system is. Yes there are wrongs, but for god sake in other countries you would be lucky to get treatment without insurance! SUPPORT YOUR NHS. I told Dr Rigg, she was the expert, I always do as I am told I am in her hands, I would never presume to tell her her job. I wish others did the same.


Oh by the way, I hate the fact that people at hospitals either patient or visitors who hang around outside smoking. ITS A HOSPITAL and SMOKING KILLS.


Love Matron granny

MARKS AND SPENCER - POST SURGERY BRA

Found lerking on back pages of the web and in a local paper yesterday. Launched in August! Why was'nt it front page news?

Marks and Spencer along with Breakthrough breast Cancer have come up with a range of lingerie for women post Breast Cancer Surgery, - practical, pretty and affordable. from £12 for bra and £4 for matching briefs according to the blurb.

Designers take note, that there are enough of us out there (and sadly to come) to make this worth while. We also need fashionable clothes and head wear that meet our needs. We do not all have Kylie's funds but still want to feel and look like women. It is why I refuse to wear a head scarf. I am not a cancer 'victim' I am a woman with breast cancer the emphasis on woman.


The full range is stocked in the following stores-Argyle Street Glasgow, Bluewater Dartford, Camberley, Sandhurst, ChesterCribbs Causeway Bristol, Marble Arch London, Mary Street Dublin, Meadowhall Sheffield,Merry Hill Dudley, Metro Centre Gateshead.

Still keeping my eyes open, love Granny

NEWS JUNKIE

I have always been a news junkie, you really don't want to be with Mick and I when we discuss issues of news etc, we argue - a lot.

Recently I have been able to watch continuous news, and I have things to say on most things.

The ah factor, did you see those lovely baby (real) Panda's on Sunday and today in the Mail, I just love them. What a pity the chinese do not take such good care of human children, especially girls babies.


I again state there really has to balance in childrens lives - when it comes to food. No to '00' models who are quite ridiculous and encourage children to be far too thin IT IS NOT HEALTHY.

Just what are celebrity parents thinking of dressing their children up as mini mee's? I dread to think how many paedohiles will use the kind of photos recently seen to justify their often used excuse that 'children are sexual beings'. It will open the door to abuse. Actually many of these children are already lost because their parents are lost in the land of celebrity which is 'make believe'. These kids are just playing dressing up games (notice it's nearly always just the girls) Many of their parents are not rounded people many are still playing dressing up themselves. Many of the kids will end up like their parents either burnt out at an early age or still going into their pension years ever addicted to celebrity. Many will end up being extensions of their parents lives, who are not considered celebrity any more, as beens. For many it is the only way they can hold their parents attention. We are even now into third generation 'celebrity offspring' with kids trying to ape, grandparent and parent celebrities.


Equally some parents seem to think that excess junk food is Fine. It is fine as a treat, not every day. Obesity kills and the worse is yet to come, we don not yet know the full effects of childhood obesity in this generation of kids. Excercise and good food make for an active mind. Develops discipline and good foundations for adult hood. We don't know the effect because the children of previous generations did not have access to computer games and fast food. Those children had different issues. I like the Italian idea of SLOW FOOD as an antidote to the FAST FOOD CULTURE. the other thing I know about continental meals is that they are family meals, eaten over longer period. Not gulped down - nor washed down with sodas. I am with Jamie Oliver in this. He did a great programme about Italian food recently and eye opener. I grew up eating lots of Italian food because my Pa worked for an Italian company, there was always fruit. I was always welcomed to eat with the adults and enjoyed long meals with such people from whom I learnt such a lot. It is not only schools who teach - I learnt language, manners, history, geography, science (I spent a lot of time in ships enginerooms) I learnt how to mix with a wide variety of people, I learnt to hold my own. Perhaps that is why I have never been out of work.


I am definately against the silly mothers who are undermining the school head/policy on school meals by selling precooked, preordered food through the fence. Just who are the other parents going to sue when the kids go down with ecoli, salmonella or other food based infection. If these mothers are in a position to do this, they are in a position to take their children home for meals, or could it be that the walk might hurt the kids, or are the mums to lazy to actually cook themselves. I feel the same about these mothers as I do those who insist on driving their kids to school (often just round the corner) they are incompetent parents. We are in danger of breeding children with no legs. Yes I drive, but I learnt to walk developing leg muscle and did walk to school, I learnt road sense and I learnt about dangers at an early age. If Mum can't do it them Dad can - if not then stay at school, have a proper dinner, do some study.

As an Historian I am aware that this situation is not new, there have always been issues like this about children and parenting since the Victorians developed the concept of childhood. I don't go down the route, of all mothers should be at home blah blah. Again it is balance and common sense that need to be applied.


The grumpy granny.

OH BOTHER!!!!!!

It was once said by a colleague that hearing me swear was like hearing your grandmother swear!!! I have to say I was rather colourful in my language yesterday. It was a bad day, I have had such a bad cold that the antibiotics I have been taking have not worked. Yesterday I nearly ended up being kept in hospital after xrays and blood tests (I am running out of veins). However worse news was that because I was so ill they could not do Chemo today, it has been postponed a week. I was given stronger antibiotics which seem to be working (they are seriously heavy duty). I am to see the oncologist tomorrow to look at the issue. I hope that this will be ok, I cannot afford to have a big gap in chemo and they may have to take me in to build me up.....I am hoping not.


On the bright side, and there is always a bright side I took delivery of my new car, a lovely Red Fiat Panda. This has five doors, it makes life easier for the grand kids and elderly rickety parents!

I know you are saying what does she need a car for now, well I do this every three year thing so I have three years of worry free motoring in terms of service, mot, tax etc etc. Also it is about my freedom. I have to have a car, to move about especially in terms of keeping my self infection free. It means I can get out quickly and back if Mick is not here and I am not as tired as if I were walking and carrying heavy shopping. I can also get myself to the hospital for checkups etc. Buses and trains are not good places for me at the moment, with people sniffing and coughing. Actually it may be how I got my cold when I had to go to Limehouse (work) and deliver some urgent forms - I went on the train.


There expense justified. Now for the environmental, better petrol consumption, lower tax and Lower emissions. New cars are much better than old in this respect.

BY WAY OF EXPLANATION

You will note the recent 'Ma' picks. The pose is similar to the one in the older picture with my Pa. Ma loves to bling it up as you can see, but I brought her the jacket! She is singing the old Music Hall Songs for a East End Sing a long at the old folks Christmas Party. Roll out that barrel, down Lambeth way, any evening anyday when my old man said follow that van!!!


Love Granny.

SINGING FOR HER SUPPER
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THE OLD GIRL STILL SHOWS A LEG
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A LONG OVEDUE TRIBUTE

It is long over due, because everything I am is down to these guy's - my Ma and Pa. As you can see I have posted three pictures that sum them up to perfection. Dad 'Fingers' was the man with the music and Ma 'The Voice' was exactly that and you cannot keep a good performer down. She still sings and has a fan base at my local pub. if you want to know the words to a song then Ma's your girl. Sadly Andrew Lloyd Webber didn't ask her to be Maria, but she would make a great mother superior, oh matron (she is also known as Matron). Since I left home at 19 I have rarely missed a day when I have not phoned her. She gives her diagnosis on my current condition, but really she is itching to get up here and nurse me. She is also her local area's very own Pauline Fowler, the Laundrette Lady.

Anyway I loved them both.
Granny xx

MUM AND PA AND YOU WONDER ABOUT ME?
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DAD DOES HIS THING
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MUM AND THE BOYS
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