Sadly my beloved Auntie Vicki aka Joan Riodean nee Cowlin died yesterday afternoon. She was not alone, she was in her own home and she died peacefully.
I saw her the day before her death onTuesday. She was sitting in her arm chair, looking out at her garden. She was dressed in white trousers, a red shirt and white cardigan and we joked that she could play for Manchester United dressed like that. Her hair was blond, washed and lightly set in waves. Her friend Julie had taken the trouble to do this for her. Auntie was a hairdresser and how she looked mattered to her, I never saw her anything other than smart and stylish - even when so ill. She maintained her dignity to the end. Her mind was active and she knew what she wanted. She had told both Julie and I that she was not afraid of death and was happy the end was near, but she wanted to sort out her buisness before hand. She was trying to eat and drink but even the liquid she tried to swallow hurt her "It feels like a ton of coal" she told me. Yet she had continued to do her crochet, to keep her mind and hands active.
She was fiercely independant and had been the rock that had supported her sister Ruby and her husband John. When Ruby's husband Peter died (he was the first to go) it marked the change of all their plans because all 4 had done everything together and planned a long and happy retirement doing lots of things. This never happened. Ruby became ill, and six weeks after Peter died John had a stroke so Auntie Vicki was left to cope and cope she did. Uncle John developed Altzimers but auntie coped with him at home until he died. Then there were 2. Ruby always the most fagile leant heavily of Vicki until she also died 9 years ago. Vicki moved to live in Ruby's bungalow having sold her own house and thank god she did.
Auntie kept all their pictures on a special shelf in her lounge along with other family photos of those who had died - including Young Ron her brother who died age 12 in an accident. She kept Ruby's room as it had been while she was alive, in memory of her. Beside the bed was the big picture of Ron. Neither sister ever forgot their brother. Auntie always kept the house immaculate, decorated and the garden cared for. Eventually last year she was fortunate to find Julie who helped her maintain her home when she became less able to do the physical stuff.
Auntie Ruby and Auntie Vicki were my god mothers and as I child I was often in their company and they were my role models. I was never child like - I was always an 'oldie' in my ways. I was spoilt by them and both Uncles (God Fathers) I remember these times with love and affection. Neither Aunts had children, and so I was, as the only child in the family from 1954-1960 the object of much attention. I know that Auntie Vicki, loved Julie whom she told me was like the child she would have wanted. They loved to talk and Julie held her hand as she died, surrounded by the nurses, she just slipped away.
When I left her on tuesday I had satisfied myself she was where she wanted to be with the support and care she needed, with Macmillian nurses and night staff. I nealt by her side and said - "This is a girl thing, you and I are going to fight this" She smiled and said "Yes we would"
She smelt fragrant, her skin was soft and her eyes despite weariness had that wicked look she gave me when we shared a joke. I have her wedding photograph for a keep sake, she looked so beauiful and John so proud. I am happy to know they are together again.
I am heartbroken, but she is at peace, no longer in pain and my memory of my last meeting with her is brilliant because she looked so peaceful and she seemed like her old self. She never lost her dignity what more can a person ask when they leave this world. What of her life and death?well she did it her way.
I love you Auntie. Granny XXXXXXXX
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