TWO MORE ANGELS

What can I say, two children Robert and Christie died on holiday in Corfu from an apparently faulty piece of equipment leading to carbon monoxide poisoning. How their poor mother (who was not there) must be feeling can only be guessed at. Their father remains very ill himself and does not yet know. My heart breaks for them all. I pray for them. Nothing will ease the pain of this loss, what must happen is that they get lots of love and support.

The lesson is that we all must check when we are on holiday that things are correct. This is not to blame the parents but to save a life.

Love from Granny

DO'IN MY THING

Well viewers, I am feeling heeps better today.

The sun has been shining and I can only say a perfect Sunday. Mick is working sadly so perhaps not that perfect. He has been roped in to play his bagpipes for the farms halloween tractor rides. They have him dressed up as a mad monk as well, apparently on Friday there were a lot of screaming kids.

I shall indulge myself today, Jerk Chicken sour cream and salad and masses of Fruit - washed down with sparkling Pinot Grigio. Yes Sir a perfect sunday.


Love granny.

UPDATE

Sorry for not being up to date, but I have been asleep most of the time. Feeling pretty grim but again this expected. The day is grey which is pretty depressing, yet it is Autumn so I guess that it is to be expected. Mick is taking me on a treat tomorrow, I only hope I can do it justice. I really want to get back to work in November so here's hoping.

My brother and his wife are currently in Lake Como Italy which they say is wonderful, I am so jealous but they deserve it they work really hard.

Three little boys who live in my street, Charlie, Jack and Junior brought me round a card and some chocolate as a get well gift. These are nice decent kids, who we encourage - they wanted to earn money in the summer so we suggested clearing the close of rubbish weekly which they did. They brought us the results and we paid them. I believe starting young in teaching people to care for their environment. The guys are a bit scared of silly old bald me, but they light up my life at the moment. They did not have to get the card etc, they even drew a flower for me inside the card, now that was special. A beacon of hope.

However, somewhere in my memory I read this week we are less likely to challenge bad behaviour in our young. Shame Shame Shame.....what a thing to print, now of course the little perishers will think they have the upper hand. If true, the general public only have them self to blame, They do not! I would of course always intervene, and when I am angry 'yobs' had better be very afraid (I am even toxic now) Walk tall.


Remember that Halloween is not an excuse to rob, so trick or treat back. Firework night is nearly here, remember the new laws are in force and arrest is a very good option. For the elderly, do not open your doors at all to people you do not know nor whom you are not expecting. You are in control - no appointment no entry. Don't be fooled into feeling mean, if the kids parents want them to have stuff, let them buy it, it's not your problem. Shut the door and shut them out. Do not give on the streets to kids who do 'penny for the guy', this is begging. The less we give the less they will want to sit out side shops.

I want to see all schools in an area account for the behaviour of their students, and parents should be levied for the damage done to buses BY THEIR CHILDREN in money!. If a bus is delayed due to the behaviour of children from a school travelling free... then that bus should be withdrawn, ie not stop at a bus stop anywhere near the school. Children should walk to school. If a child is killed as one will undoubtedly be given the behaviour, who will get the blame, the bus or the kids? The mayor would have been better advised to provide small buses only for adults no kids allowed. Punish all until the lesson is learnt.

Pray for rain on firework night.

A very grummpy granny.

I HATE TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO

In as recent post I likened North Korean actions to Nazi Germany and the Nuremberg Rallies, and low and behold up they come with a massive candle light rally a la Nuremberg. The iconography was not lost on the media who actually refered to this past era in its own analysis. People out there, you had better be scared. Forget the Cuban Missile crisis this is serious and the leader is unpredictable, posturing and without consicience a very dangerous combination.
This is what dictatorship is about and you bet your life being Muslim, Buddist, Sikh, Hindu, Christian or jewish is not tolerated here. There are no individuals here only machines. This is what a real totalitarian ideological state is all about. If that's what other people (and I mean all the people ) want for their children- on their own head be it. The dictator decides what you should read, listen to, paint, draw, write, who you should marry, how many children you have, what you earn, eat and own (if anything) what you wear and how, what you believe and how. Human Rights do not exist here. Religious freedom does not exist here... Watch and weep this could be your future.

In warning to all. Love Granny

ONLY ONE TO GO

Yesterday's 5th Chemo went well and I feel a whole bunch better than last time. I am tired of course but the team changed my anti nausea tabs to give me a better reaction. Apparently at about this stage this does become necessary due to build up of drugs needing a more powerful antidote.

I slept well which is important. Mick cooked me a lovely casserole and I could taste all the fresh veg he used, I am not a great lover of meat but strangely I love kidney and I could taste this also - I was so pleased.


On the day before my chemo I meet up with my team for coffee, which was so nice, chating like we do. I also had a goody bag from Cathy our (station reception officer) which was so thoughtful and kind including a great book, some body stuff and a very sexy lepoard print candle - I feel a bath coming on. One of the things I have found is that my friends have been so supportive, what more can you ask.


ONLY ONE TO GO NOW - last chemo is 8th November 2006 YIPPEE.

Love to all my friends. Granny. XXX

A LIFE CHANGING EXPERIENCE

Breast Cancer is a life changing experience. Why? well in the first instance your body is made different, you lose part or all of the most visibly female part of you, the thing that everybody appears to value as the most important simble of femininity - other wise why would women seek to enhance boobs beyond the natural to the biggest and bigger as a statement that says I am more woman than the next woman. It has a price this love of self - it destroys and makes the individual the some total of a boob job and nothing more. The boobs that are created are plastic, and have no feeling of connection to the person, you might has well be a blow up doll for all that others (men usually) care. This is such a shame. As a result of this boob obsession, women with breast cancer who lose one or both completely are made to feel less than womanly and this is not just a shame it is a crime. Women are more than the sum of their boobs.

Now my boobs are truly individual. I am not ashamed of my scars.

Secondly my body has to fight this invasion, this growth, this tumour and it has to fight the chemicals that are trying to keep further growth at bay. This may not work and I could die from the spread of the disease. Therefore I must take advantage of the time that I have. I don't want to die, but I am no longer afraid of dying I have settled my mind to that. It is a journey I must take alone, although I am fully aware of the impact it has on my husband and my family who have to deal with this new me. They also have to deal with the fear.

All my life I have been afraid of knockbacks, I have been guarded and afraid of being me because I need to be liked. I am opinionated, and I am now even more sure I must voice my views. I always wanted to be an artist and writer, so here I am writing. I want to think outside my comfort zone and give all that I have to the time that I have left. I am exploring my art, not well but I am trying.

I have always earnt my own living, I have never been kept! I intend to keep it that way.


Thirdly I have become slower, more likely to rest than in the past. The informed opinion tells you that you have to slow down and take care of yourself, so I am doing as I have been told.

I still boil when I see injustice, bad behaviour and bad citizenship. I am more likely to explore my faith, what God is or is not. I don't believe in being part of a particular religious tradition I believe what I believe and don't press it on others, and do not expect to be pressured by others to follow this or that path. You only have to read the titles on my book shelf to see how I read around the issue of faith, of history, to women and their lives.


Fourth, I am stronger as an individual. I do not need to be validated by anyone elses opinion. To see me you must listen to my words and look into my face - where the truth about my life is. I will not shroud myself, that is why I am proud to be bald, and walk with my head held high and uncoverd. To cover myself would make me an object and not a person. I watch peoples faces all the time, I communicate with them non verbally this way. I look into their faces and smile, I acknowledge that they exist. I watch them look at me and look away because they are afraid of what they see, a bald woman who must have something teribble or I am an object of curiosity or ridicule (usually the young) Do I care, not a jot. In fact it makes me more defiant.

You can see where I am going with this, the debate about the veil, I personally feel that it reduces a woman to an object and that it is rude not to acknowledge that others have difficulty with it, not on religious grounds but on the simple fact that it implies secrets, lies or hiding away or that other women are less modest. It also means that the hard of hearing are excluded, many of us lip read even if we are not deaf in order to fully understand what is being said to us, across a crowded room for example or in a noisy environment such (especially) as a classroom. It is a discriminatory and exclusory act. By my not covering up my difference I am including everybody, they can see who I am and why I am. The veil is a difference for sure, but it objectifies rather than defines, it sets apart since others cannot understand who 'you' are. It divides and sets apart. The other type of head wear does not do this, it explains a particular religious stance but does not depersonalise the individual. through our facial expressions we show joy, love, fear, anger, resentment, so by covering the face we are cutting out almost three quarters of our means of communication. It is not a religious issue, since Nuns also cover themselves, but not their faces - for there we often find serenity.

Another issue, is whether a woman can wear a cross to work or not, small and unobtrusive! of course she should. it does not affect her ability to do her job as a desk clerk. She was a little silly to wear out side her uniform for very sensible reasons but to suspend her is ridiculous. I wear a cross (a crucifix actually) as a symbol and always have, because I value it, I wear it close to my heart, but under my clothing, my common sense tells me that a violent person could rip it off me. It does tell people I am Christian, but if it is under my shirt they don't see it but I hope by my actions recognise that I have certain values associated with Christian values such as compassion. But if my shirt is open neck, I will not take it off, if I lose it then it is my fault, but I don't make it too obvious and button up high enough to cover it while still being open necked. For the same reason I don't take of my wedding ring. This doesn't mean that I won't under any circumstances. I would certainly take it off while doing physical training in a gym or close quarters self defence, it would be stupid not to. One of my own considerations about jewellery is that if a uniform is being worn (military or police) earings should not be worn, it is so out of place, inappropriate and dangerous. I act on this myself and never have worn earings at work when in uniform. I am not a do as I say not as I do kind of person. I hope I have always lead by example. Do you see where I am going with this? it is about common sense and balance.


Lastly, I have always wanted to rise up through the ranks and reach a position of authority, so I could make a difference, but I never got around to it because I was lazy. I did study to give myself a certain power when I leave my job (retire) so that I can be careful in my choice of further employment in the later years. This now seems to have been wasted. I hope that I can live long enough to work for the pleasure of it rather than necessity alone. Of course bills will still have to be paid but - I want to do what I want to do. I also have wished to live abroad, in a sunny and laid back environment, maybe I will and may be I won't now be able to, but I will explore those possibilities. I will learn a language, play golf, swim more, paint and write for the pleasure of it. Is this where I thought I would be at nearly 52, no it is not.

If fate puts a strict time limit on me then, I will travel until I no longer can. I will enjoy my life.

That it for now. Love Granny.

THE PRICE OF WAR (World War One) need I say more.
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I LOVE BEACH HUTS.
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WHAT A DOG, EDMUND FRANCOISE
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FRIDAY MOAN

I have to say 'rock on' General Sir Richard Dannatt, I saw him a little while ago on TV and said to Mick, now here's a man who will speak his mind and yes he has. There is need for a plan, and there isn't one so this leaves our soldiers exposed. Being a history person, there is a real sense of being here before ie World War One and lots of political interference. Of course the Vietnam war seems to have been lost on the Americans. Lessons learnt? No. Don't get me wrong or misquote me I am not an anti war harridan, I am as opposed to that lot as I am the politicians and religious interferance.

There is no such thing as peacekeeping, war is war is war, do it and get out. You cannot get between to warring tribes when they both seek power you cannot win. Pull out and if they choose to fight each other and kill themselves and others while so doing then so be it, that is their problem and not ours.

There are greater issues for our safety than this that are going on under the cover of Iraq - North Korea and Iran do not like being sidelined by the issues of Afganistan and Iraq, so what do they do - they up the anti with saber rattling the nuclear bomb - this is dangerous! you had better believe they will use whatever they have. If that doesn't frighten us then nothing else should. Both states have no scruples and they both have a brainwashed population. Just take a look at the pictures of marching armies and faceless throngs coming from both states. I recall the pictures of Nazi Germany prior to World War Two - a very similar example of mass control by hysterical leaders as witnessed in the Nuremberg rallies, change the nation and you have both these states doing the self same thing. It is about control and their love of it, they are high on power and are dangerous for that very reason. Their own people mean nothing to them. They will destroy everything and everyone just to prove a point. Both will sell nucelar devices to the person who comes knocking on their door, why? for hard cash and any group who could destroy their enemies for them. We do not need any peace in our time bits of paper! because all politicians lie.

What of China, well they will pick up the pieces! they just have to sit back and let what is going to happen happen. Here is a country that kills its own people to harvest body parts for transplant in the name of justice, allows baby girls to die in the name of population control (boys are needed for the army of course) and makes a mockery of the animal world in an 'Olympic Games for Animals' and we are all going to be watching the real Olympics there soon - so much for moral stands. They will be only to happy if Korea and Iran do the hard work for them.


Come on open your eyes. love Granny

WISP IS BACK

On Tuesday I was looking out the office window and there she was 'WISP' making an elegant entrance into our garden, light of foot and so beautiful. She seems to have an afternoon beat, ariving between 2pm and 3pm.

Just a moment ago a Blue Tit arrived had hung out on the water overflow pipe under the eaves to take a little drink. This again gave me an excellent view.

After yesterdays very heavy rain, today is sunny and warm which is pleasant for me. The tree is quiet except for a crow who appears to ge drying out.

I am feeling better again today, which I am thankful for. I am going to try and write a couple of articles and to do some work on my PhD (If my brain will let me)

As a passionate England football supporter, I am sad about yesterdays game against Croatia. Bring back Beckham is what I say. For the under 21's 2 nice goals from Theo Woollcot. Please God let us play as a team. I think I would ditch Roony for a while he is too much the prima donna and in truth he is fading some what, too much too soon seems about right.


I am looking forward to seeing Mum at the weekend. Love Granny.

CLOSE ENCOUNTER WITH A BLUE TIT

That doesn't mean my left boob either!!!

Today while in the office I was amazed to see a blue tit trying to fly in the window, it then hung on the wall under the eaves for a splendid view. I became aware of a regular gaggle of Blue Tits in the trees. My neighbours Alan and Angela had hung out some fresh peanut dispensers and boy did these gyes know it, a regular feeding frenzie. I called to Mick and he saw this cute little fella and we were so close. If we had been outside this would not have been possible.

I am avidly watching Autumn watch on the BBC it is so interesting.

Mick took me out yesterday, which was wonderful, just being out. I have an aroma therapy appointment this week at the Hospital. As part of my treatment it is the most pleasant experience.

If you get into Joe's site, forget his local political stuff, just look at his wild life pictures and those of the environment at his place - he gets some magic shots. www.national-joe-a-graphic.blogspot.com/


Please engage in the debate 'history matters' on the web, I am passionate about history and its study so can not wait to see the film 'The History Boys' There was an excellent article in the times yesterday by Dr David Starkey. History really does MATTER.

Love Granny

AMISH EXAMPLE

It should be a lesson to us all, the Amish response to the killing of the 5 little girls. They had it in their hearts to invite the wife of the killer to the funeral, accepting that she and her children were as much victims as their own. This was an act of reconsilation we could well take heart from. The wife attended, was taken by carriage with the rest. It was peaceful and full of dignity. No one will ever understand this act, but to carry anger in your heart makes it harder to bear the loss and to heal. I admire this attitude of forgiveness, I wish I could be so inclinde.

As you can probably tell I am feeling better myself, Alan, Julie, Rachel and Sam came to see me yesterday and cheered me up so much. I have my taste back, tea is less like liquid iron on the tongue.


Today I have been 27 years in my job. Now theres a thing!

Love granny

UPDATE

Well here I am again, not feeling well at all today. Fatigue is a real pain in the arse (and it's raining bah!!) I also feel sick all the time, not heavily just persistant and annoying. My head is also aching and feels heavy and nothing tastes as it should. Sorry to be a moaning minnie, just feeling Yuck. This really is to be expected of course and I knew I would feel this way. merlot and I will just keep at it, and try and move forward.

Love Granny

AUTUMN WATCH

Please try and watch Autumn Watch on BB2 with Bill Odie and Kate Humble it is the highlight of my day.

During the past 6 months Mick and I have been aware of a nocturnal visitor in our garden. We had reason to believe that it likes our overgrown shed roof that backs on to the cemetery wall and shelters there. Merlot goes completely ape about this 'phantom' lurking there because she cannot reach the roof. Well, yesterday I made a discovery. I just happened to be in the office and looking out of the window at the butterflies, when I noticed a movement, slinky and subtle the creature emerged from the roof undegrowth and slid over the wall into our neighbours garden. It was a beautiful young fox, a vixen I think. She moved with delicacy along the back of my neighbour garden pausing under the trees near the pond and looking intently at a plump woodpigeon. She carried on to the out house turned and returned sliping back over the fence to our shed, where she sat an gave me perfect look at her sweet little face. She was totally alert but comfortable sunning herself briefly, her muzzel was shiny white and her eyes bright. she then slipped without effort down between wall and shed. I have no doubt she is our resident. I was really eager to tell Mick, he said perhaps we will have cubs soon. Later that evening the noise from the cemetery was of fox calls, and I believe he will be proved correct. The place is ideal for her, good cover, ready water and food on the wing. Today there are tell tale feathers on the shed! Sadly I did not have my camera nearby to snap a picture. I hope to see her again. I think I will call her 'Wisp' it seems appropriate since she has been 'A will'o the wisp'.

Today the sun is out and the Red Admirals are back basking on one of our bushes. The berries are begining to colour up, some red and some shiny black.

I have noticed while sitting here these past months is that because the window is under the eaves, when the huge Woodpigeons decide to land on our gutter it is as if they are going to land belly up on the window. I get a perfect undercarriage view. I never cease to be amazed by nature and although there is an increasing chill in the air, I have two months of heavenly colour to enjoy.

Love Granny XXXX

UPDATE

Still feeling poorly, but I was expecting this. I am trying to function normally. Love Granny XX

AMISH SHOOTINGS

How sad is this news, that one man with a grudge for twenty years takes it out on such innocents. Nothing justifies this action. It serves me to believe that in ordinary hands there is no need what so ever for guns, no matter what a constitution says (because that is a man made creed) The same applies to knives which in this country, where they have become a fashion item. A father stabbed in London for confronting teenages who have no respect for anything. We do not need to kill for food any more, we kill for grudges, greed, spite and !!!!

These poor little girls, who have been brought up in very old ways, who knew nothing of life executed in a horrific way - why? for being female. How great must their terror have been, shame on us all for allowing it to happen by not standing up to the gun lobby.

Yes this is a rant, because there is no justification whatsoever for this mans actions, none.

I also pray for the young polish student murdered in Scotland. What a sad world we live in.


Love Granny xx

GALAPAGOS

Please if you get a chance watch, BBC2 series (three progs) about the the Galapagos Islands. It is a must. the first was extraordinary (repeated tonight) called Born of Fire. If you want to understand the world and evolution then this is a must see. It can only get better and the wildlife photography is beyond belief, as is the view of the earth. It has made my week especially the Booby birds, who mate for life and have a wonderful ritual of love. Life is hare here on these islands, but miraculous.


Love Granny

DO I RANT?

Possibly, since I have strong opinions. But I do believe in balance and fairmindedness. I believe in the centre path. I am opposed to fanaticism, excess and overt celebrity which is so much disposable nonsence (tissues infact) I believe money is not everything and power is flawed. I distrust politicians and religious leaders who only have their own interests at heart. I condemn drug dealers who dine out on the bodies and frailties of the weak. I detest the famous who tell us it is cool to do drugs or carry a weapon shame on them!. When it comes to crime! murder, rape, child abuse and domestic violence are not to be tolerated ever. Yes I rant, but I hope in a good cause.


Love Granny XXXX