Firstly....I am back again.
Warning for online shoppers. I was using a site today and was interested in a dress. I used the zoom in feature and noted that despite the dress being shown on a slim model the seams and darts were so stretched they were nearly spliting.....I did not buy it!!!! because I could not trust a product depicted if the advertisers could not check their web site.....their loss.
My tip is look at the mags and new trends.....then look at your wardrobe. What can you reuse?....you can always store unwanted stuff. Look in any and all sales...you may be surprised and find something to team up with an 'already' item that will upgrade to a new trend. Don't forget secondhand shops.....clothes with good lables are a fantastic bet if it fits with your ideas. Belts and other accesories can be found here. Also make sure everything works otherwise it is a waste of time. Always take care of your shoes.....smart shoes work.....no scuffs.
I love lace.....
Where are the various denier colour tights?....I like to match my colours. I like to tone in top to toe.....I don't do bland....but I am a sensible person.
Found a lovely perfume 'For her' by Narciso Rodriques... soft and sexy but way to expensive...as I must say most perfumes are. We are in a recession, money is tight...the sellers of items must, if they want us through their doors, consider huge price cuts. Get the markets moving....
Advice for The Duchess of Cambridge....do what the doctors tell you....rest.... seek advice from Victoria Beckham, a mother of 4, a designer, in public eye, get her to design your maternity wear..it could be a massive kick start to the business of dressing pregnant women. To the rest of the planet...leave the girl alone to manage her pregnancy.
The men I like
Daniel Craig
Damien Lewis
Colin Salmon
David Beckham.........these four are eye candy
Neil Oliver
Stephen Fry
David Attenborough
Jeremy Paxmen
Jonathon Miller
Dara Obrain
Julian Cleary
Matt Baker
Adam Henson
Mix all together for my perfect man.....
My views on sex offenders, murderers, honour crime etc etc, child abuse in all its form are well know. See you soon......x
Wednesday, December 05, 2012
Sunday, October 28, 2012
KEEPING RAPE IN MIND
Link to post in this dated 29/07/2006
This is an intensely personal story. I was a police officer for 30 years (1979-2009) I remember it as if it was yesterday.
Why repeat it now?.......well the time is right, on the back of the Jimmy Savile revelations...along with others I want to remind everyone out there that a victim of sexual abuse may be sitting next to you RIGHT NOW. It was only in 2000 that I was able to tell my family what had happened to me when I was seventeen and a half. I was 46 when I told them, I had told my first husband in 1976 (he was a police officer) and a colleague in 1983 (a female police officer) - what happened nothing. I am 57 now....it remains the single thing that framed my life.
The rape, I suffered, destroyed me - left me hating sex, hating myself - I was left feeling filthy, soiled, ashamed and guilty - yes guilty.....for his crime against me because I knew that most people would not believe me. It was the culture, I had to have provoked it, I had to have been wearing provocative clothing and of course I asked for it!!!!! The burden became heavy, I found it hard to sleep and when I did drop off the nightmare was replayed endlessly....even to the present day - It haunts me daily. I blame myself for not speaking, he could have offended before.
At the time of the attack I was a quiet, naive, immature and I was a VIRGIN. I had never had a boyfriend, except a sloppy kiss in a coach that was sweaty hands all innocent fumbling..which left me cold. I wanted a boyfriend, I could admire I had no longing for sex, but for the romance the stories we read, the dream. When I was 15 I had been involved in a crash, that left my face injured, my teeth broken and the front two lost, to be replaced by porcelain and gold teeth that looked black....I stopped smiling. I considered myself to be ugly and unattractive. I was not popular with the boys my crowd new...just a hanger on. I was beginning to feel like a woman, my periods had arrived and I hated them. I was beginning to spread my wings blooming into womanhood, but I was spotty. I was a tallish, thinnish creature with a sallow skin. I was invariably dressed in black or dull colours. My school friends can vouch for all this.
Let me take you back, to a summer, a summer when I had been in the sixth form for a year. I was at Southampton Sixth Form College for Girls in Hill Lane I lived about a mile away (I walked) on the other side of the road was the 'Common' a large wooded area that hosted events during the year.
How did I meet this person?...who would take my choices from me and destroy my sexual life in the future.
It was on the Common at a The Southampton Show, he was with a display of the Army...he was a soldier, a corporal....I was fascinated.....my brother who was with me and 5 years younger wanted to enjoy the boys toys.
Despite my innocence, I was growing into womanhood, I was curious but aware of my little deformity so hung my head and hardly smiled.
The corporal on the stand with the equipment was - Irish, with a divine accent....I stared at him under my lashes a shy little girl. I was entranced, as he paid attention to me. We lived nearby and my brother in his innocence...asked him back for tea. He had a powerful personality, he was nice to my parents and my brother. My mother was tight lipped. I was excited when he parked his land rover on our drive. He was glamorous. At last I was somebody to someone, I had a crush on an older man with a car and a job. The two weeks passed in a whirl. I knew he had served in NI. The events had spun me around. The occasional drinks with his mates, this was not a world I knew their knowing looks went over my head, the head of a child.
All of a sudden he was gone. "see you" were the words.
He had not asked me for sex directly but he had taken me to an army married quarters, home base, residence. A house, that I would later find was his. We sat and talked and yes kissed. Looking back from here he could not risk forcing me to have sex here. He told me it was the home of a friend and I thought it was true. I was sorry, but I thought it was me, I was back at college after the summer break, working part time, and consoled myself he was probably working as well.
So to the moment fate took a hand in my life, the day.....a college day, I was to leave late but I was also tired having started my period, from which I suffer pain and mood changes. I wore what were called towels, for my period, a new style that came with pants that had a combe mechanism to hold the towel in place. No Tampax for me, internal protection, they scared me.
I had been preparing for a forthcoming event. The evening was wet and cold, the walk whom seemed daunting. I was tired so tried to hurry as I was bleeding heavily as normal and I felt terrible. The path way I was on was direct to my home with only one turning right, not a single need for me to cross the road (Hill Lane) on the opposite side for the whole length is the Common. I was used to the road, and not scared. I was in heavy shoes, thick tights a tweed skirt and a duffel coat and carrying my case, hardly provocative. I became aware of a vehicle slow driving on the other side....of the road travelling in my direction. I heard my name called and looked to see that it was him. He offered me a lift and relieved at not having to walk I crossed over and got in the door opened from inside. I was pleased to see him.
We spoke, hello, how are you? I noticed he was not 'friendly' and that we passed my road, Raymond Road, "how about a drink" I really wanted to go home, I can not recall the exact words. Something like, "I really must stop" "anyway I should tell mum" Was this inbuilt concern from a rebellious teenager? No mobile phones then! We did not stop or turn round we headed to the traffic lights and turned Left to pass the football ground. Another left passed the cricket ground. We drove into a narrow road on the the Common. We were in effect driving back to Hill Lane, back on ourselves but I knew that a car could not get through...with a barrier at the end of this road. The Cemetery was on our right, just past the entrance and church. It is wooded there with huge trees. There was poor light.
I was concerned, warning bells rang in my head, suddenly every sense was alert. He smelt of drink, he seemed angry. Rain drops hit the windscreen. It was as if the car was crying. The smell of drink now seemed strong as he leaned over me from the driver seat. He twisted slightly, he was heavy against me, face to face, he pushed his face in mine my mouth and lips were dry, I could barely speak. I felt sick as he tried to force his tongue into my mouth. I did not recognise him, he pushed me and his right hand slipped up my skirt, his right hand on my left knee. Then between my thighs, separating, dividing my thighs on ward to my pants. He must, I reasoned feel my sanitary pants and the towel. I had never allowed this or indeed had the need to deny such behaviour previously. He didn't stop. He changed position and touched my towel, pressing the virginal area.
I seemed to come to life. I pushed him away. I clasped his wrist to and pulled his hand up and out with as much force as I could muster.."No! please don't" I could not have been more clear. "I have my period" what more could I say? He did not hear or did not want to hear. My heavy blue duffel coat had toggles. He tried to undo it. His wonderful Irish accent was now harsh and raw. I can't remember the words. I called me a tease, a 'prick tease' and accused me of playing a game. But it was I who was the game, I was a bet. He had bet his colleagues he could have sex with the ugliest woman they came across....grab a 'grimmer'. I was bought, a bet - I was not important.
The second he lent away - instantly but as if in slow motion I grabbed my bag and ran. I escaped the car. He followed me, caught me and pulled me into the wood. He pushed me against the tree, against the trunk. He pinned me to the tree, with his body and pushed me down with his weight. He forced his tongue into my mouth. He changed position so that I was leaning half up and half way down by the root. I was crying, not sobbing but pleading tears. My period, my period I cried. I can still feel this and hear myself. Surrounded by trees, in darkness I was frightened for my life.
He used his arm across my chest and held me then reached the top of my pants and with one movement pushed me down, and away from the trunk. With his other hand he in one movement tugged my pants down with his knee hefted my thighs up. It was so skilled so practised. His hands went in side my thighs lifting my bottom, skirt well up, his hand inside me. He grunted, and roughly trust his fingers inside me. All the time he was pressing on my chest, his left arm across me. He was astride me, his penis was thrust harshly inside. His trousers were not down, his penis was through the open zip. I could smell my blood. A 'Stink' I cannot forget. I was swamped by him, overwhelmed by him. This could not be what sex was about? His fingers were also probing, so his hands must have had my blood on them. It was all force. He fingered my anus. Don't let anybody tell you that a man needs is trousers round his ankles to commit rape....he does not.
I felt pain inside, he rammed me. I was jammed by his penis. I felt he had done it before, it was expertly done, so clinical.
The time disappeared.
He was gone, I took off my tights and pants, replaced my shoes head for home a few yards way, so close but so far. Blood was all down my legs as I crossed Hill Lane, time was standing still. Once in, shouted to Mum I am going to have a bath I hid it, I hid the evidence that could have worked in my favour. My life disintegrated.
Later in the press I learnt of his arrest and charged with murder, conviction for manslaughter. His wife and child.........To this I lost my virginity.....who cares? Do you?
This is an intensely personal story. I was a police officer for 30 years (1979-2009) I remember it as if it was yesterday.
Why repeat it now?.......well the time is right, on the back of the Jimmy Savile revelations...along with others I want to remind everyone out there that a victim of sexual abuse may be sitting next to you RIGHT NOW. It was only in 2000 that I was able to tell my family what had happened to me when I was seventeen and a half. I was 46 when I told them, I had told my first husband in 1976 (he was a police officer) and a colleague in 1983 (a female police officer) - what happened nothing. I am 57 now....it remains the single thing that framed my life.
The rape, I suffered, destroyed me - left me hating sex, hating myself - I was left feeling filthy, soiled, ashamed and guilty - yes guilty.....for his crime against me because I knew that most people would not believe me. It was the culture, I had to have provoked it, I had to have been wearing provocative clothing and of course I asked for it!!!!! The burden became heavy, I found it hard to sleep and when I did drop off the nightmare was replayed endlessly....even to the present day - It haunts me daily. I blame myself for not speaking, he could have offended before.
At the time of the attack I was a quiet, naive, immature and I was a VIRGIN. I had never had a boyfriend, except a sloppy kiss in a coach that was sweaty hands all innocent fumbling..which left me cold. I wanted a boyfriend, I could admire I had no longing for sex, but for the romance the stories we read, the dream. When I was 15 I had been involved in a crash, that left my face injured, my teeth broken and the front two lost, to be replaced by porcelain and gold teeth that looked black....I stopped smiling. I considered myself to be ugly and unattractive. I was not popular with the boys my crowd new...just a hanger on. I was beginning to feel like a woman, my periods had arrived and I hated them. I was beginning to spread my wings blooming into womanhood, but I was spotty. I was a tallish, thinnish creature with a sallow skin. I was invariably dressed in black or dull colours. My school friends can vouch for all this.
Let me take you back, to a summer, a summer when I had been in the sixth form for a year. I was at Southampton Sixth Form College for Girls in Hill Lane I lived about a mile away (I walked) on the other side of the road was the 'Common' a large wooded area that hosted events during the year.
How did I meet this person?...who would take my choices from me and destroy my sexual life in the future.
It was on the Common at a The Southampton Show, he was with a display of the Army...he was a soldier, a corporal....I was fascinated.....my brother who was with me and 5 years younger wanted to enjoy the boys toys.
Despite my innocence, I was growing into womanhood, I was curious but aware of my little deformity so hung my head and hardly smiled.
The corporal on the stand with the equipment was - Irish, with a divine accent....I stared at him under my lashes a shy little girl. I was entranced, as he paid attention to me. We lived nearby and my brother in his innocence...asked him back for tea. He had a powerful personality, he was nice to my parents and my brother. My mother was tight lipped. I was excited when he parked his land rover on our drive. He was glamorous. At last I was somebody to someone, I had a crush on an older man with a car and a job. The two weeks passed in a whirl. I knew he had served in NI. The events had spun me around. The occasional drinks with his mates, this was not a world I knew their knowing looks went over my head, the head of a child.
All of a sudden he was gone. "see you" were the words.
He had not asked me for sex directly but he had taken me to an army married quarters, home base, residence. A house, that I would later find was his. We sat and talked and yes kissed. Looking back from here he could not risk forcing me to have sex here. He told me it was the home of a friend and I thought it was true. I was sorry, but I thought it was me, I was back at college after the summer break, working part time, and consoled myself he was probably working as well.
So to the moment fate took a hand in my life, the day.....a college day, I was to leave late but I was also tired having started my period, from which I suffer pain and mood changes. I wore what were called towels, for my period, a new style that came with pants that had a combe mechanism to hold the towel in place. No Tampax for me, internal protection, they scared me.
I had been preparing for a forthcoming event. The evening was wet and cold, the walk whom seemed daunting. I was tired so tried to hurry as I was bleeding heavily as normal and I felt terrible. The path way I was on was direct to my home with only one turning right, not a single need for me to cross the road (Hill Lane) on the opposite side for the whole length is the Common. I was used to the road, and not scared. I was in heavy shoes, thick tights a tweed skirt and a duffel coat and carrying my case, hardly provocative. I became aware of a vehicle slow driving on the other side....of the road travelling in my direction. I heard my name called and looked to see that it was him. He offered me a lift and relieved at not having to walk I crossed over and got in the door opened from inside. I was pleased to see him.
We spoke, hello, how are you? I noticed he was not 'friendly' and that we passed my road, Raymond Road, "how about a drink" I really wanted to go home, I can not recall the exact words. Something like, "I really must stop" "anyway I should tell mum" Was this inbuilt concern from a rebellious teenager? No mobile phones then! We did not stop or turn round we headed to the traffic lights and turned Left to pass the football ground. Another left passed the cricket ground. We drove into a narrow road on the the Common. We were in effect driving back to Hill Lane, back on ourselves but I knew that a car could not get through...with a barrier at the end of this road. The Cemetery was on our right, just past the entrance and church. It is wooded there with huge trees. There was poor light.
I was concerned, warning bells rang in my head, suddenly every sense was alert. He smelt of drink, he seemed angry. Rain drops hit the windscreen. It was as if the car was crying. The smell of drink now seemed strong as he leaned over me from the driver seat. He twisted slightly, he was heavy against me, face to face, he pushed his face in mine my mouth and lips were dry, I could barely speak. I felt sick as he tried to force his tongue into my mouth. I did not recognise him, he pushed me and his right hand slipped up my skirt, his right hand on my left knee. Then between my thighs, separating, dividing my thighs on ward to my pants. He must, I reasoned feel my sanitary pants and the towel. I had never allowed this or indeed had the need to deny such behaviour previously. He didn't stop. He changed position and touched my towel, pressing the virginal area.
I seemed to come to life. I pushed him away. I clasped his wrist to and pulled his hand up and out with as much force as I could muster.."No! please don't" I could not have been more clear. "I have my period" what more could I say? He did not hear or did not want to hear. My heavy blue duffel coat had toggles. He tried to undo it. His wonderful Irish accent was now harsh and raw. I can't remember the words. I called me a tease, a 'prick tease' and accused me of playing a game. But it was I who was the game, I was a bet. He had bet his colleagues he could have sex with the ugliest woman they came across....grab a 'grimmer'. I was bought, a bet - I was not important.
The second he lent away - instantly but as if in slow motion I grabbed my bag and ran. I escaped the car. He followed me, caught me and pulled me into the wood. He pushed me against the tree, against the trunk. He pinned me to the tree, with his body and pushed me down with his weight. He forced his tongue into my mouth. He changed position so that I was leaning half up and half way down by the root. I was crying, not sobbing but pleading tears. My period, my period I cried. I can still feel this and hear myself. Surrounded by trees, in darkness I was frightened for my life.
He used his arm across my chest and held me then reached the top of my pants and with one movement pushed me down, and away from the trunk. With his other hand he in one movement tugged my pants down with his knee hefted my thighs up. It was so skilled so practised. His hands went in side my thighs lifting my bottom, skirt well up, his hand inside me. He grunted, and roughly trust his fingers inside me. All the time he was pressing on my chest, his left arm across me. He was astride me, his penis was thrust harshly inside. His trousers were not down, his penis was through the open zip. I could smell my blood. A 'Stink' I cannot forget. I was swamped by him, overwhelmed by him. This could not be what sex was about? His fingers were also probing, so his hands must have had my blood on them. It was all force. He fingered my anus. Don't let anybody tell you that a man needs is trousers round his ankles to commit rape....he does not.
I felt pain inside, he rammed me. I was jammed by his penis. I felt he had done it before, it was expertly done, so clinical.
The time disappeared.
He was gone, I took off my tights and pants, replaced my shoes head for home a few yards way, so close but so far. Blood was all down my legs as I crossed Hill Lane, time was standing still. Once in, shouted to Mum I am going to have a bath I hid it, I hid the evidence that could have worked in my favour. My life disintegrated.
Later in the press I learnt of his arrest and charged with murder, conviction for manslaughter. His wife and child.........To this I lost my virginity.....who cares? Do you?
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Keeping the work going
Before I go on....I can't spell for toffee....so apologies for past and future errors....I do try honestly and yes I know about spell check!!!!
I am still struggling with my PhD. So any one out there have infomation on the following;
Sophia/Sofia Croll-Dalgairns
David Croll-Dalgairns
Annie Marie Christine Seager/Waygood/Dalgairns
Frederick August Howard Anderson
Henry Johnson Stanley
Rachel Theodora Chatfield Dalgairns
Ivor Stuart Croll Dalgairns
Theodora Christina Stanley aka Jarvis aka Mallik
Dalgairns of Coupar Angus
Lieutenant Colonel James Dalgairns
Edward Frederick Dixon Seager
Theodora Von Oswald
Theodora Rosina J F Caroline Oswald aka Seager.
My work is important to me, the research is designed to look at the lives of a group of women of whom Sophia/Sofia was the leader.
Someone out there must know one of the names/families above.
I am still struggling with my PhD. So any one out there have infomation on the following;
Sophia/Sofia Croll-Dalgairns
David Croll-Dalgairns
Annie Marie Christine Seager/Waygood/Dalgairns
Frederick August Howard Anderson
Henry Johnson Stanley
Rachel Theodora Chatfield Dalgairns
Ivor Stuart Croll Dalgairns
Theodora Christina Stanley aka Jarvis aka Mallik
Dalgairns of Coupar Angus
Lieutenant Colonel James Dalgairns
Edward Frederick Dixon Seager
Theodora Von Oswald
Theodora Rosina J F Caroline Oswald aka Seager.
My work is important to me, the research is designed to look at the lives of a group of women of whom Sophia/Sofia was the leader.
Someone out there must know one of the names/families above.
Monday, October 08, 2012
I HAVE BEEN - MISSING FROM MY BLOG
Where does the time go....nearly Christmas 2012, the Jubilee and the Olympic have been and gone...Things have made me angry but I have been silent.
Lets see how we go from here.....
I am still looking for family members of the owmen I am researching....
I am still into fashion....
I have a new job that I love....
Discharged from cancer clinic...so fingers crossed.
See you soon.
Lets see how we go from here.....
I am still looking for family members of the owmen I am researching....
I am still into fashion....
I have a new job that I love....
Discharged from cancer clinic...so fingers crossed.
See you soon.
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